How to learn a lesson on love while avoiding lessons

As this past Sunday came and went, I felt a sense of relief that I had survived Valentine's Day without any major flashback or disaster. Although I could not help but reflect on the joy and promise I thought this day would hold for my future one year ago, the realization that angels do protect under all circumstances was a relief of sorts. having spent the day with the two most beautiful creatures in the world, I am happy to report that there was a total lack of fighting over computer access, in part I am guessing on actual use being required as part of homework and a miracle that occurred when the "slow" computer actually worked.

So how did I manage to not become a clump of depressed flesh yearning for her as I blamed myself for destroying my only chance at true relationship bliss. Very easy my Saxette's, by realizing that the insane pattern of feeling that I had to save had finally been broken and obtaining a zen like balance about thirty days before after stepping off a plane from down south.

Well, reality bites hard when you have spent the good part of your life taking responsibility for the actions of others, as you take responsibility for taking responsibility for the actions of others. What occurs to me just now is that the last sentence makes sense in a very profound way. it is only when we realize our own limitations as humans and allow others the opportunity to screw up and learn from their mistakes, do we and them grow as individuals. Saving others also allows us to lie to ourselves by creating a fiction of superiority as we aid the less fortunate. Acting as a savior allows us to conveniently avoid the responsibility of taking care of our own selves. Only when we are whole in soul and body does the desire to save release itself and is replaced by the loftier goal of becoming the kind of person one who is also whole would be attracted to as a partner. Saving others also does not let them learn their own lessons, your "favor," in the long run, does nothing but set that person's soul back.

My life has been an avoidance of dealing with my own issues, but the universe has blessed me with a chance to make up for lost time and get a balance that has been missing my entire life. These are the things that I have known but refused to confront and now relish in the acceptance of who I am and what I can offer. I know that many may think that being stuck in the Tolle ego is no improvement in any one's lot, but where I am is beyond that point. The soul and the body are together for the first time, and the possibilities as life continues as to what will be accomplished are mind boggling. Only in being whole can one give back to the universe and freely accept what is being offered in return.

On a commercialized day where we are reminded to love someone and that only through gifts or other outward expressions of materialistic gratitude do we tell someone we love them, I was reminded by a child with the simplicity of words that I have heard in one phonetic form or another for 14 years. The heartfelt meaning of "I love you daddy" and "thank you daddy" erased even the thought of missing someone who could say the words I love you but not back them when I really needed them. Holding ill feelings against anyone is a waste of energy, especially when you realize that this is who they are and are only capable of what they are capable of at that point in their life. But reflecting on the simplicity of the love of a child, even cloaked in a young woman's body, brings home he true meaning of love.

So, let's reflect on those constants who are important in our lives and influence us in even the most subtle of ways, and let us pray for those who have fleetingly touched our lives and gone, that the path they choose lead them to the happiness they so long for in this lifetime...

So Sez Sax

The Fall and Winter of my discontent and then redemption.

Well, looking from the timing on my last installment, it seems that it has been near six months since I shared this fountain of wisdom with those needing to know. To say that I have been idle would be a lie, to say that I have gained an incredible insight into the human psyche, would be closer to the truth, but to shout out "what the hell makes people tick" would be hitting the proverbial nail on the head.

Since we last spoke, my life has been like the rollercoaster at Coney Island. What roller coaster may you ask, the dismantled one would be your answer. I have thought I loved, lost friendships, grown up, and began to open my mind to different people. At such an age to make discoveries is not unheard of, but to be able to be in a position to act and lead a more diligent and productive life is my reward. A reward for what, I have asked. That query is yet to be answered.

What has been learned so far may have far reaching effects.

First, is that you can love your children so much that disagreeing with their life altering decisions may be voiced, but an immense trust must be placed on the inner feeling that the errors of their ways will be self discovered and they can return to you on their own terms having learned a great lesson.

Next, true friendship can't be defined, it just is and trumps any other form of relationships because you truly accept that person for who they are and what they have brought into your life. As with any human interaction, a friendship may teeter every now and then on an precipe of an abyss. Sometimes it feels that one more undercurrent will sweep away a shared past. But kindered spirits who enhance each other's life will never allow natural pettiness to destroy one of the most important gifts life gives you.

Also, saviors of others we are not. Only today I looked into the eyes of one whose pain is still quite evident. It is a shame what people can do to another for the sake of destroying one for some vain satisfaction. But only that person can summons the inner strength necessary to get past whatever turmoil has impacted their life. Many hours were spent with trying to figure out what I was doing wrong without realizing and appreciating the struggle this person was going through. For that I do apologize. For what they needed at the time was a friend, not a substitute for an ex to be(which believe me, would not have been difficult). Could not tell when I saw them today whether they were embarrassed at our chance encounter or had just given up on the fight. But all you can do is bode them well, and feel bad that you placed them in a position which they did not want to be abd from which you could not provide the help they needed.

Finally, that there is a concept that does exist - Love. more than some romantic concept floating like soem nebula in space. It is real and when it is right, it does come easy. We learned of the wrong fit the first time we tried to cram two pieces of a puzzle together whose ends were not meant to be in this world or any other. I have come to the conclusion that these were subliminal test done by some secret governemntal agency to encourage us to try the impossible to be satisfied with the improbable. If we are really honest with ourselves, we have all known for a millisecond when the voice inside was sayning no, but some more growling, carnal imp on your shoulder would yell what the heck. The idea of complete trust of another through their word and actions is euphoric. most of us start looking for the faults on the person our aboriginal people labeled one-too-good-to-be-true...later on this...

So Sez Sax.....