The Fall and Winter of my discontent and then redemption.

Well, looking from the timing on my last installment, it seems that it has been near six months since I shared this fountain of wisdom with those needing to know. To say that I have been idle would be a lie, to say that I have gained an incredible insight into the human psyche, would be closer to the truth, but to shout out "what the hell makes people tick" would be hitting the proverbial nail on the head.

Since we last spoke, my life has been like the rollercoaster at Coney Island. What roller coaster may you ask, the dismantled one would be your answer. I have thought I loved, lost friendships, grown up, and began to open my mind to different people. At such an age to make discoveries is not unheard of, but to be able to be in a position to act and lead a more diligent and productive life is my reward. A reward for what, I have asked. That query is yet to be answered.

What has been learned so far may have far reaching effects.

First, is that you can love your children so much that disagreeing with their life altering decisions may be voiced, but an immense trust must be placed on the inner feeling that the errors of their ways will be self discovered and they can return to you on their own terms having learned a great lesson.

Next, true friendship can't be defined, it just is and trumps any other form of relationships because you truly accept that person for who they are and what they have brought into your life. As with any human interaction, a friendship may teeter every now and then on an precipe of an abyss. Sometimes it feels that one more undercurrent will sweep away a shared past. But kindered spirits who enhance each other's life will never allow natural pettiness to destroy one of the most important gifts life gives you.

Also, saviors of others we are not. Only today I looked into the eyes of one whose pain is still quite evident. It is a shame what people can do to another for the sake of destroying one for some vain satisfaction. But only that person can summons the inner strength necessary to get past whatever turmoil has impacted their life. Many hours were spent with trying to figure out what I was doing wrong without realizing and appreciating the struggle this person was going through. For that I do apologize. For what they needed at the time was a friend, not a substitute for an ex to be(which believe me, would not have been difficult). Could not tell when I saw them today whether they were embarrassed at our chance encounter or had just given up on the fight. But all you can do is bode them well, and feel bad that you placed them in a position which they did not want to be abd from which you could not provide the help they needed.

Finally, that there is a concept that does exist - Love. more than some romantic concept floating like soem nebula in space. It is real and when it is right, it does come easy. We learned of the wrong fit the first time we tried to cram two pieces of a puzzle together whose ends were not meant to be in this world or any other. I have come to the conclusion that these were subliminal test done by some secret governemntal agency to encourage us to try the impossible to be satisfied with the improbable. If we are really honest with ourselves, we have all known for a millisecond when the voice inside was sayning no, but some more growling, carnal imp on your shoulder would yell what the heck. The idea of complete trust of another through their word and actions is euphoric. most of us start looking for the faults on the person our aboriginal people labeled one-too-good-to-be-true...later on this...

So Sez Sax.....