Reflecting on how I survived a commercial holiday

As that fateful sunday came and went, I felt a sense of relief that I had survived Valentine's Day without any major flashback or disaster. Although I could not help but reflect on the joy and promise I thought this day would hold for my future one year ago, the realization that angels do protect under all circumstances was a relief of sorts. Having spent the day with the two most beautiful young women in the world, I am happy to report that there was a total lack of fighting over computer access. This was due in part on actual use being required as part of hommework and a miracle that occurred when the "slow" computer actually worked.

So how did I manage to not become a clump of depressed flesh yearning for her as I blamed myself for destroying my only chance at true relationship bliss. Very easy my Saxette's, by realizing that the insane pattern of feeling that I had to save had finally been broken and obtaining a zen like balance about thirty days after stepping off a plane from deep in the heart of a southern state.

Well, reality bites hard when you have spent the good part of your life taking responsibility for the actions of others, as you take responsibility for taking respoinsibility for the actions of others. What occurs to me just now is that the last sentence makes sense in a very profound way...

So Sez Sax

How to learn a lesson on love while avoiding lessons

As this past Sunday came and went, I felt a sense of relief that I had survived Valentine's Day without any major flashback or disaster. Although I could not help but reflect on the joy and promise I thought this day would hold for my future one year ago, the realization that angels do protect under all circumstances was a relief of sorts. having spent the day with the two most beautiful creatures in the world, I am happy to report that there was a total lack of fighting over computer access, in part I am guessing on actual use being required as part of homework and a miracle that occurred when the "slow" computer actually worked.

So how did I manage to not become a clump of depressed flesh yearning for her as I blamed myself for destroying my only chance at true relationship bliss. Very easy my Saxette's, by realizing that the insane pattern of feeling that I had to save had finally been broken and obtaining a zen like balance about thirty days before after stepping off a plane from down south.

Well, reality bites hard when you have spent the good part of your life taking responsibility for the actions of others, as you take responsibility for taking responsibility for the actions of others. What occurs to me just now is that the last sentence makes sense in a very profound way. it is only when we realize our own limitations as humans and allow others the opportunity to screw up and learn from their mistakes, do we and them grow as individuals. Saving others also allows us to lie to ourselves by creating a fiction of superiority as we aid the less fortunate. Acting as a savior allows us to conveniently avoid the responsibility of taking care of our own selves. Only when we are whole in soul and body does the desire to save release itself and is replaced by the loftier goal of becoming the kind of person one who is also whole would be attracted to as a partner. Saving others also does not let them learn their own lessons, your "favor," in the long run, does nothing but set that person's soul back.

My life has been an avoidance of dealing with my own issues, but the universe has blessed me with a chance to make up for lost time and get a balance that has been missing my entire life. These are the things that I have known but refused to confront and now relish in the acceptance of who I am and what I can offer. I know that many may think that being stuck in the Tolle ego is no improvement in any one's lot, but where I am is beyond that point. The soul and the body are together for the first time, and the possibilities as life continues as to what will be accomplished are mind boggling. Only in being whole can one give back to the universe and freely accept what is being offered in return.

On a commercialized day where we are reminded to love someone and that only through gifts or other outward expressions of materialistic gratitude do we tell someone we love them, I was reminded by a child with the simplicity of words that I have heard in one phonetic form or another for 14 years. The heartfelt meaning of "I love you daddy" and "thank you daddy" erased even the thought of missing someone who could say the words I love you but not back them when I really needed them. Holding ill feelings against anyone is a waste of energy, especially when you realize that this is who they are and are only capable of what they are capable of at that point in their life. But reflecting on the simplicity of the love of a child, even cloaked in a young woman's body, brings home he true meaning of love.

So, let's reflect on those constants who are important in our lives and influence us in even the most subtle of ways, and let us pray for those who have fleetingly touched our lives and gone, that the path they choose lead them to the happiness they so long for in this lifetime...

So Sez Sax

Why Do Fools Fall in Love

Well Saxettes, talk about a question that answers itself, the notion that we can find that ideal is slowly oozing out of this author's bag. There are several conclusions that we can reach when dealing with such a delicate subject. First and foremost, is that the word must defined. Our society places witou must fake the real yoh this idea the notion that there are duties and obligations, i.e. boundaries, when entering into a relationship. These include such foreign concepts such as commitment, respect, fidelity and responsibility. Love will persevere, but for it to get to such a point, involves a struggle.

Struggle we do, my little Saxettes, as we try to get behind the facades that are created in order not to offend or scare away this potential mate. There commences, what I will call, the ritual dance. Come now we have all performed it, many of us every time we meet the opposite sex. You now how it starts, and taking the risk of sounding like one of those awful callers, lets put our best foot forward and don't take it out, no matter how much you. We will rely on this potential mate's inability to discern our fallacies and do the voodoo, that we have trained ourselves to do, so well, i.e., hide who we really are as people.

I can already here the scoffing from the gallery as those more enlightened of us who are in touch would never play this game, but the honest ones will recognize when the ritual dance begins. As we put up the facade and do out very best James Dean(yes, it's late, and I am resorting to such inane lyrics written by that heartland sweetheart you know by three different names depending on the year of the bad album you bought) while woman use their guile to conceal their real agenda. I finally realized that with my propensity to date the unbalanced, all that is left to discern is where on the DSM IV spectrum does this fair maiden lay.

After my latest foray into the dating world test presented me with someone who truly cared for me, and i believe actually loved me, but still cared alot more for themselves, I had decided to focus on the inner sack and it finally produced results. As charming as I am, there are still life experiences that the Universe seems to throw in my path that collaterally places people who act like they love me to a test. To my dismay, when I needed one to love unconditionally and give me the space and time to deal with another important aspect in my life, they couldn't.
It has taken me a long, arduous, at times humiliating and too many times self-deprecating five month to realize the problem does not lie within me. But being as lucky as I am, have managed to find balance in my life, center my soul with my body, develop an obsession for the sound of a road bike on a desolate stretch of asphalt, meet a Zen Goddess any Hindu Temple would welcome, get my body into some semblance of physical health and welcome into my life totally amazing human beings, each of whom has, in their own way taught me a lesson that has added to my journey.

I realize that I have wandered from the original premise, but the reality is that we can never be fools falling in love, for our inner guide and soul will never allow us to be placed into the position of a fool, unless, or course, we are foolish enough to ignore where she wants to guide us in life...

So Sez Sax...