What the Hell is going on?

Having been a long time since I have stroked these keyboards, one would have thought your scribe had either paroled or had gotten himself lost on an atoll surronded by Saxettes. Ah, to no avail, it is neither of these romantic ideals, but something much more basic. To put it mildly, I have been in a funk. Not inactive, mind you, but entered a limbo on earth and become a bubble boy of sorts.

After all, if you are to be a pundit of love, there has to be quality material from where you can reach back and pluck gems of wisdom to share with a world salivating for your every word. Looking at the love meter located at the end of this blog(there is an end of the blog), I seem to be the only one waiting on "the word."

What I unfortunately have come to recognize, once again, is the incredible talent that we have as a species to be destructive of each other. Especially those of us who are able to prey on the psyche of others in order to get some type of perverted satisfaction. The pen is not what is mightier than the sword, for now we have resorted to keypads to convey our latest feelings in a series of incomprehensible(for those on the outside) shortcuts and text inspired jargon.

Gossip is a word, when listened to on the white Album may sound like piss og, or a more Manson-like interpretation would be Go piss. The bad thing about this concept is that, like time, it can tear down a building or destroy a woman's face. As any relationship between friends, families, acquintances or enemies, we rely on a level of trust, or the lack thereof to base the level and nature of our willingness to deal with others. When we lose that trust, we become numb to others and wary of anyone else that enters our life. With trust comes comfort and security. Knowing full well that those who are in theory loved ones would never break this bond just for the momentary thrill of being catty and controlling by possessing information on another. Possession of trust is 9/10 of a relationship, but the entire thing can be flushed into sewer wasteland when the bond is broken.

There in lies the proverbial rub my Saxettes, because having laughed at other's expense or done the feigned sign of eye popping interest in getting scoop on another, will only lead Karma to slap you upside the head. Now, as much as we want to deny this, we are all on a rollercoaster of insecurity and relish in the thought of getting trash on some one. In analyzing the kicks we get on Route Gossip, we have to be honest enough to recognize that by our own nature, whoever we are, there is some vicarious thrill on getting the inside skinny. I guess the lesson I have learned is that all the laughs had at the expense of another, come back to hurt much when one who is undeserving fall prey to dirty rumors and innuendos.

So the bottom line is this, Karma does exist and when you open yourself to the universe, expect that she will make sure that your petty meddling in others affairs will be returned tef-fold against you or someone you care about in this world.

So Sez Sax....

Things that make me smile for $100, Alex...

The realization just hit me that my latest foray into the scene has produced the result I needed. As the sweetest soul looked at me and said she was not in the same place, it dawned on me that I had found Nowhere land of Beatles lore. Now, little Saxettes, put away that sandpaper-like dollar store face tissue, because this is not a bad thing.

Sure we all pine for that idea of company in those moments of touching romance as we watch with anticipation, knowing full well Dr. Z will never be busted with Lara or wonder how the hell Rhett just carried a fighting Scarlett up that flight of stairs because he knew what she "really" wanted. After all, it would be nice to have someone who will get off the couch and get that new bag of fire hot Cheetos so you don't miss a scene of mancinema.

But at this time, the smartest move is to get back into myself and rediscover some of the magic I have tried so hard to shed. By day some have all the world relying on them for a million decisions which affects the psyche to the point that the mindless post 5:00 p.m. state into which we are drawn like the prodigal moth guides us to either fast food restaurants or food in those standardized Chinese food containers that they mass produce on Three Mile Island as a 21st century for bodily nutrition.

When we get back into a mindless routine we fail to appreciate what a poet friend has described to me as the uncertainty of the next day. Routine destroys adventure as it fosters the mundane. Without some hint of adventure, even a dip of the toe in the cold, swift-flowing river which is life, leads at the end to the questioning of our existence.

So, having decided that I need to refresh myself and kick back with the trout in one of the o tide pools along this meandering river, we are regrouping. (If sex rears it's ugly head, [way too many metaphors] I may be philosophical, but like Arthur, will take the money and run).

However, what will make me smile will center around: spending the time listening to and making music; watching from both near and afar a musical revolution that will herald the return of crotch moving music; hearing the laughter of the Dementors as we listen to their latest Penthouse letter to the editor adventure; the others who co-exist in my house that leave too frequently; getting news that a people I care about are doing okay and dealing with things on their own while are knowing I am there; that those dark spirits in my life have to wake in the same ever expanding epidermal shell and be with themselves every last day of their life. Let's just enjoy life,

So Sez Sax...

Sax the Weatherman Saves Denver

Well, I was relaxing on a beautiful Saturday during a brief visit to the Mile High City where I had been were invited to the Grand opening of an Art Gallery named in my Honor. Once we got there, I was disappointed that the folks who ran the gallery were not too good on their American and misspelled my name. Not to worry, Saxettes, nothing permanent marker and a black spraypaint could not cure.

As we stood there, a horrible wind blew out of the east and ruffled by head(evidently nothing horrible comes out of the west). Having watched too many hours of the Weather Channel as I channel surfed, I knew that there was trouble brewing...

(Camera fades to a Casablanca type flashback)

My father encouraged me to enter such a noble profession were you have a 50% possibility of being right. His words still reverberate in the recess of my mind ."Damn Good odds boy, can't even get those in Vegas," he would mutter, "plus chicks dig the weather guy." After being told the latter, caution was thrown to the wind and I started out to discover the inner secrets of the world's oldest profession. (Historical Little known fact that the the second oldest, prostitution, relied on the oldest profession to determine the feasibility of being able to go out and practice the second oldest.) Well, when I discovered that science classes were a prerequisite and going outdoors to do live shots in the middle of apocalyptic storms was part of the job, I decided to stay in the sanctity of my home and take notes on how the guys on the tube handled themselves. The only stint I got was a the age of 18, when I was working as a bagboy at the local supermarket and was told to stay outside once to warn the customers about the coming drenching. Mind you, this was years before cable and the WC, but I did me best, after all chicks dig the weather guy. (Afterwards, the only woman who talked to me, holding my bags, as I stood drenched on the last car to Marseilles, was my mother, who scolded me for being a fool and getting sick by standing out in the rain and lightning).

(Fade Back To Present)

So as the Denver torrential downpour was imminent and the crowds began to get restless and panicked, I noticed that one of the stations was doing a local feed from the street corner. I knocked over the bottle of cheap gin and stumbled over to assist.

Hearing the distress in Sweet Anne's Voice and startled by the catatonic state this pending disaster had produced in Mike( Rock of Gibraltar) Landess, I went into action and did my best to calm the nerves of this great American city.





Wearing an over sized, but comfortable shirt, which would pass for a flapping windbreaker on any HDTV, I positioned myself on a deserted country road at the cusp of the storm and began, in a calming Orson Wellsinian voice, to give the play by play. Feeling like Heston parting the red sea, I raised the microphone/lightning rod into the air and damned the storm back into the Gulf of Mexico from whence it came. After almost getting electrocuted when a bolt came to close, I ran back into the over-equipped weather van and continued my broadcast until it became safe outside.



So, having given notice to the front range as to where and when this beast would hit, I slept well that night(still no chicks), knowing full well countless lives and property were saved by my quick bravado in the face of such doom,

So Sez Sax....



(No weathermen were injured or consulted during the writing of this blog)

See People for Who They Are, Not What you Imagine!!

Well, the question has been as finally asked as to why I have avoided, up to this point, the whole idea of on-line dating. A quick survey of my pictures reveal an adventurous man who is willing to fight the rapids of the San Antonio Riverwalk, do a Mexican Hat Dance at Hooters and pay his respects to fallen at the Alamo. After all, If I am all the things that I claim to be in my profile, what more would a woman want! After all, my friends have visited sites that I could not even imagine that cater to all whims, desires and walks of life.

There is the standard Match.com, which has become the epitome of the pick-up world for some of my friends; there is the eharmony, which I did try, but for some reasons was soundly rejected by all the women who looked at my profile; the not so subtle millionaire match and sugardaddy.com(guaranteed that these women who want to meet for your personality only); we have black on white; white on Asian; Asian on Latino; Native American on Columbus Day Holiday lover; Muslim on infidel, Catholics on guilt ridden; and Christian on any non-believer because they are going to hell and who wants to spend an eternity with just one person. Seriously, the list is endless.

What I have found fascinating is the amount of people who, a) are willing to join as a friend once they catch on to the profile being tongue in cheek and b) willing to share some serious thoughts and concerns with such a dapper guy. I though it was always quite the challenge to enter a dark booth with a total stranger on the other side, as you revealed all the fun you may have had in the thirty years between confessions( Had I known it only took a couple hail Mary's and on our Father to absolve a confession that could be reduced down to I haven't stolen or killed anyone, but pretty much violated all the other 8, I would have waited another ten years). But to trust a total stranger on the Internet is an absolute leap of faith. Why are some willing to do so?

As I embarked on this mission to find myself and meet new people, one of the tools I was given by Mdme. M. was to learn how to trust the voice inside of me. You know it well, the one that says get the hell out of his apartment now, leave her or she will make your life miserable, or please don't wake up until I find my underwear. That voice, the one that we have all ignored. Would it no be amazing that everyone we met we did so through a conversation first. The mind's eye could ignore that which the real eye's can't and we would stop those first impressions within nanoseconds of meeting another. That is what makes life and relationships difficult for the majority of us. We are not in our minds, "perfect." We have our perceived blemishes and beat ourselves up about our "physical faults." We are not good enough, smart enough and attractive enough.

As life has steps in and re-directs our energy into other directions, tonight I have for the first time realized that I see people like I never have before. There have been two women in my life recently that I began to believe may have actually had the potential to love me for me and not what I could do for them. In the past, it was my job or the perception of where material life would potentially lead that attracted people to me. At least three women in my past were not shy about using me to enhance their "status." While my friends implored me to walk away, my inner lack of confidence and self worth told me that I was lucky to be with them and I became involved in bad relationships, the last of which has left me in economic ruin. What the real world took from me financially, the universe gave me in abundance the love of two children that will carry me for the rest of my life. I recently celebrated another birthday, surrounded with the richness of friends and family, but once again without the love of a special person in my life(Come to think of it, have never had this).

What has changed in my life for the better is how I see people in such a different way. The most recent person who I must let got was a beautiful woman. I have been repeatedly told about her outer beauty, but I was not able to get past the person I saw inside. Like the one other who quickly entered and exited my life, for the first time I saw people for who they are. Now when I see the my ex's I see the anger, frustration and hatred they carry inside for life and how it has wronged them. At work, I see people that I have known for years and see the most intrinsic beauty in the smiles of people i took for granted for way too long. In my best friends I see the love for one they allowed into their close knit group and have felt the care and protectiveness one would normally reserve for blood relatives(Had to explain what a Dementor was the other night, not so good). There is my friend who carries alot of pain from his past, those that i have met that are a little too self centered, and others who are just trying to get by day to day.

Evidently there are people out there who see a lot more of me in my writings and have looked beyond the dollar store paper sack with the sly smile and perfect hair wave. As my latest attempt at a relationship falters, for now, I can only hope that when all is balanced in her life, she will know I will always be there to listen to her and hold her hand. Beyond her exterior, there is a decent person who does need to be isolated. Which is what I had started to do until my true friends pulled me out for one of my best birthdays ever.

So, let's take a step back and try to appreciate and see people for who they really are, don't try to rescue people but be there for them and help them heal themselves, and look for the beauty in every person, even one with an adorable permanent marker smile,

So Sez Sax...

Out Loud Musings From an Insomniac

Insomnia has enveloped your writer as I struggle to figure out the meaning of life in a world chock full of contradictions. (Hope my lack of sleep in not reflected in my citing every cliche in my repertoire). As I reflect on the changes I have made since leaving the uncomfort of my home two years ago, there comes those times when loneliness won't leave me alone. It is amazing that as we struggle with keeping our children safe, paying bills, fending off creditors and facing the stresses of modern day life, that balancing every type of relationship is what preoccupies all our waking hours. Be it at work or at home, with friends or loved ones, we are always striving to keep ourselves sane while not stirring up too many pots.

There are many times when we take that leap of faith and just hope we can come out of a situation with our self-esteem and integrity somewhat intact. That's exactly what happened tonight and although I have endured the wrath and eye-rolling of two of the three dementors(the third was incapacitated and sedated), making the phone call is sometimes worth it. Although it has been weeks since I have talked to her, there was something inside of me that propelled me to take a chance tonight. So armed with the support of Mdme. C, I decided to run the risk and leave a message. It was very simple: thinking of you and if you need me I am here.

Having had a pretty good run at life even for my tender age, it has been never since I have left this kind of message. As we see people hurting as they come out of horrible relationships, the easy way out will always be to turn our back, remind ourselves that we are not responsible for other's happiness and never dupe ourselves into thinking so. I have beat the knight in shining armor analogy like a dead horse and have no intention on masking my feelings just for the sake of remaining within the circle of trust. Why I am thinking this way cannot be explained, other than to think that for the first time in my life I may have some genuine feelings for another.

Reflecting on the night I wrestled back my self-esteem, got out of bed after being insulted for the last time and laid on a couch in the dark of my office, I took a leap of faith which I knew would lead to financial ruin and hardships for the remainder of my life. But in appreciating the benefits that have been bestowed, I am poorly rich!!

Although I had been always heavily involved in my girls lives, there was a feeling like I was the outsider. Now I see that they were treating me the only way they had been conditioned and once I began to stand, they did so right next to me. Now I look forward to the many days spent listening to them fight in between developing their taste for the Stones and classic films. Like we sometimes do for the sake of family and peace at home, I had let my relationship with my best friend die, but when I needed him, he was right there, no questions asked and no lectures. He will always be my blood brother.

All my friends who tried to talk to me out of my past relationships, but disappeared rather than watch me being mistreated have now re-surfaced. Although I have poorly characterized them by stealing from Harry Potter books (who had "borrowed" from every myth known to man and is now a billionaire), I have been blessed with a cadre of friends who I love and look forward to chasing around a convalescent home 30 years from now. Not to mention the countless people who have now touched my life who I would have never known. Sometimes you just have to lose all to find you.

After a more verbose blog than usual, the point is that although I have come to adore this person and may have developed, for a change, genuine feelings other than a mere rescuer, can't turn my back because so many did not do so when I needed them. A concern is my heart may grow colder as I try to protect myself from more sleepless nights, but that is a chance she needs to take. So, as some Saxettes suggested I have made my call, whether she follows up is now her decision. There are many more factors, that I can never explain which will probably, in her mind prevent her from returning my message, so be it. So long as she is safe, works on getting herself back, re-learns what it is like to be happy, and knows, from a 10 second message, that am there,

So Sez Sax....

Why Can't We Be Ourselves

Just looked on Yahoo today and checked out a blog on dating advice. The focus of this article was how you can tell if a woman really likes you. Do you guys really subconsciously lick the lips and touch your leg and face as you fantasize that being done by this man you just met? I was thinking that dude, who has appeared on over 2000 T.V. and radio shows, is making a killing stating the obvious and for what? So some genius who reads his trash decides that you are open to his passion fruit just because you happen to wet your chapped lips. Pray tell you display common courtesy and look at someone in the eye as you talk to them, which according to his love god is a sign of complete captivation.

As we dare enter the 21st Century, divorce and breakup rates start hitting all time records, so it is high time we re-evaluate the beginning of a relationship in order to be able to, some extent, avoid that all to familiar bitter end. After all, how many of us have bought a vehicle, be it new or used without at least driving it and abusing it on the highway. We open the hood, see that glistening clean engine, kick the tires to make sure that they stay on, and are immediately hypnotized by that new car smell that has been artificially placed there using some highly toxic ingredients. Then we ponder, consider all the pros and cons, look at our finances and make that final decision all the while being pressured by a complete stranger.

Well, if there was any formula for finding out more about your partner, I believe yours truly has stumbled unto my version of the love secret. While we all recognize the value of establishing a friendship with the other sex, we at times fail to realize that getting a good ride in the passenger seat and watch another drive the car is the key to finding out if this person is Mr./Ms. Special. Once you get over the thought of actually talking with a person without the end all is getting them in bed, it is an interesting experiment.

As I have developed some life long friendships among the tres babes that seem to constantly circulate about me like Dementors, I have come to the realization that getting to really know them has totally deterred me from even thinking of them in any carnal sense whatsoever. Mind you that they are extremely hilarious, are extremely intelligent, very beautiful, great physical shape, and the envy of other women which was evidenced by an extremely sarcastic comment directed at them as we were leaving a fine Denver establishment. (This remark was better suited for the ladies of the night, although one can kinda see the irate female's point when looking at the tight red and orange dresses and fmp's).


But as we all shared a room, I learned even more of who they really are as great people. Whenever we are in situations where the significant other is nowhere to be seen, all pretences are dropped and we all become who we really are. Pretty sad when you think about it!! Everyone is so stuck on the notion that they have to be on their best behavior to impress the current beau, they lose who they are. The comment was made we could not have had this much fun if their boyfriend was around speaks volumes on their current relationship.

Why Can't We Be Ourselves? Are We Cheating the new love out of an opportunity to meet the real us, are we really that bad, and pray tell when are we to finally throw off this mask at the ball and have Princess Charmette discover if she has bought the real goods. Why can't we ridicule ourselves before our partners over the way we snore like a sailor, sniffle as if we are blowing through W.C. Field's nose, or avoid going to the bathroom on the off chance that the new partner discovers we can emit some serious odors after a late night Taco Bell run. Have we reverted back to childhood and treat our partners the same way we acted with our Charlie Brown sounding parents and enjoy being ourselves playing with our friends in the sandbox.

I heard so many sex stories that I felt all those early trips to the Miller Road theatre to catch the last part of the skin flicks before the midnight movie were wasted. We listened to our one friend's phone vibrate and make zzzzt zzzzzt noises because of her refusal to delete her message. While our other friend prayed to the altar of Mother's Little Helper. But we laughed and relished the company of our friends with the closeness of a family.(Could have done without the flashing incident, although, now more, than ever, I could not comprehend the appeal of incest.)

Would it not be orginal to actually get to know the person you are dating. All pretenses out the door, you become good friends, and come to the realization, early on, that you are not sexually, intellectually, physically, or philosophically compatible,

So Sez Sax.....

Asx Sax, Question Numero Uno!

Hey, I just got question and made an attempt to answer, here it goes:


Sax,

OK here goes: I am a fairly decent,single female looking for a long term relationship. I can be mmmm how do i say...sexual in a exclusive relationship. I don't flaunt my sexuality. I believe i have more to offer then that along with that. So my question is why do men tend to head straight for the women(OK i will call them that)who flaunt sex and talk filthy? Is that really what men are looking for and if that's what they are looking for i guess i will be single for a while. I refuse to pretend to be something that i do not think is appropriate just to get a man's attention.

So what's you thoughts on this matter?I really need some help here. And if you have the time could you look at my profile and tell me a man's perspective on that as well?Thanks much...

Anonymous

You seem to already know the answer to the first question. If I may be honest, most men want a queen on their arm when they go out and a prostitute in the bedroom when they are alone.You can also flaunt your sexuality without losing your class. The minute you start pretending being someone you are not you will lose all sense of yourself. People may at times take the easy path and go for the trampy one for several reasons. Men who are not looking for a relationship would not want a woman who is confidant. Can't walk all over someone who has their shit together. Most men, even our age are still dealing with many insecurities that are easily assuaged by the dirty talker. At 40, an easy score means that, baby you still got it.

Turning to the my space page, permit me some leeway to say a couple of things in general. All our beauty radiates from within. While going through some of my hardest times while trying to hang on to a loveless marriage, my very alternative therapist suggested an exercise that I have previously blogged. Look at every woman you see and search for her inner beauty, then go back and look at your wife. Although my ex is very attractive, one week of this exercise and she did not quite look the same. You are a beautiful woman who has much to offer, just try to really believe it!

I am not psychiatrist/psychologist and whatever I say has to be taken with a Dead Sea full of salt. Knock off all the self deprecating comments. You have the guts to get up there and let it rip while 95% of the congregation hides in the pews. Music and singing are your loves, run with them, don't pull the "these kind folks are allowing non-talented pitiful me" to play with them act.

Anonymous, I have not had the pleasure of meeting you, but in looking at the comments on your photo albums, you once again put yourself down. The derogatory comments as you reference your pictures is Bullshit. But this attitude seems permeate all that you have written and even how you look in the photos. A, you are only in your 40's, my best friends are in their 50's and dress to kill. I see women and men our age everyday and always wonder "Do I look that old." When I woke up, as I gained confidence and realized that I had a whole life to live, one of the first changes after some weight loss was a whole new wardrobe. I dressed like my dad and he was double my age. It was pathetic.

Clothes do not make the man, the true person inside makes the clothes shine. My budget after the divorce was nil, but I was able to find enough sales at the right places where I did not dress like the grim reaper was around the corner. I am judging on a couple of pictures and delete me at will, but as I gained more true confidence, that feeling of self worth translated to the way I carried myself. Fake Bravado was gone, natural confidence took over.

So, as people meet me and all my actions expressed to them a person who was comfortable in their skin, that is what people would find most attractive. If I am off, I am so sorry. But I do not know you, only you and the cute man who keeps sending you the sparkling internet roses do, so do not take what I have to say to heart, these are the changes I went through and we are about the same age.

You remind me a lot of me, and I, nor anyone else has any right to say anything. Look what you have accomplished, be proud of yourself. I always slip until I realize the impact that I have had on my kids and those who really count around me. I wish I had the guts to do some of the things you have done, and I am a pew sitter but belt out the tunes much children's enjoyment.

Once I opened myself up to believing my potential was limitless, things changed. You are too good a soul with a beautiful smile and the right man will walk into your life when you least expect it. Talk to your angels, just tell them not who, but what you want in a man, they know what they are doing,

So Answers, in a limited, non professional advice nor potentially litigous way,

Sax...

Bad Eggs

It seems that there was quite a response to the idea that love may be a many splintered thang. From those brave enough to respond, I am gathering that this whole notion of sexes having a tendency to act one stereotypical way or the other when it comes to relationships is a myth promulgated by a self-help relationships industry thriving on us as we strive to better our lives . Realistically speaking, bastards and bitches come from the same kennel, they are only separate by a matter of degrees.

When it all boils down to it, aren't we talking about ceding to another power over your life and once you realize what happened, spending a good part of whats left trying to wrestle it back. Instead of enjoying her life and appreciating herself for who she is and what she has accomplished, one of the comment talks about being minute woman of love and making herself readily available for when the quarterly clarion call arrived. We have all cancelled or didn't make plans with true friends in anticipation of that one date where someone made promises to call by Six. By the end of the evening, we only to end up with self doubt, over-analyzing why we are so unworthy and turn to a medieval variation of mental self-flagellation whose physical manifestation is the chomping of a bag of Cheetos, which in turn leads to trying to figure out what gives with the orange smudged pillow in the morning.

So, why are we so willing to hand over those reins that the universe placed in our hands only? Is it this fear that we all have of being and dying alone. Even those who loudly announce to any captive audience that marriage or relationships are not for them. Aren't they really just trying to convince themselves! At least in my life, the reins were never in my hands, even as a kid. Allowing another to make all decisions takes the pressure off some of us, but it also takes an important part of our being, the freedom to choose. In my experience, this has been true in the full gamut of relationships with others, irregardless of their sex.

So when we talk about rushing off to meet Mr. or Ms. Wonderful because they have decided to grace us with the presence, think twice. Is being involved on a limited basis with this person worth the torture that you will put yourself through or all the months he does not call? Aren't you worthy of a person who is considerate of you because they relish the moments you share. The inner voice has always told you what road to take, but if you are like me we have in the past ignored it, brushing off sage advice handed own through the generations. I have always know in my heart that some people, even women I married, were male or female Veruca Salts willing to suck all out of you to keep their egos happy. Yet, I played my role because I did not deserve better.

Well, frankly, maybe it is time for us to just stop, and hit the bad egg button on some people in our life. You can love them for who they are and what they have brought into your life. Hating them does not do anything but use up energy that could be funneled into more useful endeavors. The realization that only you can cede your life to another should bring about the revelation that you can stop it now.

So, the next time you get that quarterly call, not relinquishing your right to happiness will go a long way in putting you back on the path the universe has meant for you,

So Sez Sax...

Does Love Conquer All??

As I was ruminating with a close friend of mine much to my surprise, the following phrase came booming out of her mouth, "Love Does Not Conquer All." For a second, I felt like Heston's Moses and was ready to fling myself on the sands of the Sinai as YWH was revealing one of the laws of relationships. After all, we had all just been at a wedding the night before and witnessed two people announce their vows of a lifetime commitment before friends and families. Did they mean what they said and say what they meant?


Having a time or two, or three(or was it four, and almost five..but other than my mother, whose counting) made the same ill-fated promises that were destined to be broken, I had to wonder what obstacles and trials we all have to face where the idea of being in love would provide the tie that kept a relationship or marriage together long enough to relish the rewards of aging and be able to both get the senior discount at the same time.


As I consider my own relationships and those of my closest friends, there are at least two obstacles that not even the idea of being in love can conquer. These roadblocks to happiness can be converted to speed bumps only through the realization that you are not there to complete another, but are there to compliment and enjoy your lives together. Completing infers an intrinsic need that should only be met by yourself. Complementing infers a sharing between two people whose souls have connected.

Selfishness is one of the roadblocks that cannot be conquered by love. When we enter into relationships with one who is so engrossed in their own life and activities their partner becomes less than a passing thought, you are set to be doomed. This is much different from those who need to be complimented to enhance their own self worth. The selfish do not consider the relationship a partnership. They are so engrossed in their own here and now that no one else matters. This is one of the ultimate shape-shifters in that it takes on many forms.
The most obvious is the egotistical partner who considers anyone else a lower form in who should be the cowardly lion in their Ozonian presence. This is the guy/gal who sucks your personality dry and then watches you like a hawk or has to always insult you even in the most subtle ways to insure it never returns. The less subtle of these forms is the chronic manipulator whose constant victimization is another form of selfishness and control. You get hooked when you feel sorry for this person in that no one should be so abused, yet one day, when you are trying to leave them, you are now destroying their life no matter how much has been stripped of your own. I have met both and there is no difference in the end between the two.


The other impediment to happiness is the idea of substance abuse. I am big fan of the 21st Amendment and will partake in a nip or two at the local pub. But as I see beautiful people place their life on hold or stop living to help a partner deal with the issue, I find it too frightening. There plenty of times as a child when I related to the Kirk Russell in “Follow me Boys” and did not want my father around. I watched from a flight of stairs as my parents fought over the drinking. The inability of a partner to deal with this demon is devastating, especially when one's own life patterns are changed in order to assist one we love. This is not limited to alcohol, but as we watch a person we care about slip over the deep-end, we are so close to being taken down with them.


Can love ever conquer selfishness and substance abuse? Only when your partner recognizes these issue, admits there is a problem, and on their own takes a real, tangible initiative, can you start on a road towards this goal of happiness. Can it be attained? Only if one truly commits. Part of the problem is dealing with the end results of what living with this type of person does to another. There develops a distance and lack of trust that envelopes you and prevents one who may care from getting close. When that happens, the ex-partner wins in that they are still affecting your future relationships for years to come.


So, do a better job in recognizing these flaws than I and there may not have to be so much explaining of past “mistakes” to a future partner. Learn lessons better than I and don't get involved with the same personality in the future. We all deserve that chance to enter such a fine, healthy establishment as a Village Inn for the early bird senior special, plop down a useless menu from which we have ordered the same thing for the past 40 years, and look into the eyes of one who you would be willing to eat mud just to spend the time with her,


So Sez Sax...

Did She Say Not Yet, or Nyet?

As my hearts pangs for she who is not available and does not return calls, I end up at a second lunch with she who does not show on time. I am trying to maintain a positive attitude on a spiritual, emotional, and physical plane. She is a nice person, who returns calls and when she cancels, makes alternative suggestions. This is novel and could be interesting!


Well, my bevy of Dr. Ruth's or fans of the skinny old lady sex therapist late night television hostess who handles penis-lites as if she has been fencing with those plastic anomalies for years and talks like she would be hot in bed, I am in the horns of a dilemma and would appreciate international feedback as to what I have done or need to do.


We have an interesting lunch and are getting to know each other. She is very attractive and the conversation is steering away from the problems areas that raised hackles at the first encounter, but the attraction that I have always felt for she who does not call is present. (This only serves to anger me as I think of how one fool, her ex to be, has the ability to push those emotional buttons at will and distance her from all those who care). As we leave, there is the traditional non-committal thank you for picking up the check hug and we went our separate ways, she to a job and me over to the nearest four way traffic light carrying the will work to pay for the next date sign


As I came home, sunburned from a long afternoon of getting pelted with cheap people's change, I get a phone call. She happens to be coming over to a fine pizza pie establishment near the Sax Den, so I extend the offer for her to come over and see my etchings(very 1960ish era of me). Well, she comes over and we talk, show her my best framed Pierce's and we move towards the door. I get the thanks for feeding me hug but she seems to linger. As we separate, there is that moment of indecision as to what the next step to be. After all she is a mature, responsible woman, I am an immature fun loving man.


So I think of which look do I give, having a variety to choose from. There is the Shariff-Zhivago gaze look, where the lighting just falls on my jet black coals. May have gone over well in the 60's, but nowadays, may be characterized as creepy and obsessive; there is the indifferent James Dean look, but much more effective with the cig dangling, however I do not smoke; there is the boyish Brad Pitt Cheshire grin look, but I have that permanently affixed Elvis curl lip; or the Bogie look, indifferent yet physically menacing.

While trying to decide the best approach in a millisecond and with synapses shooting off in messages to my lips(purse or no), tongue(stay where you are until further orders), hands(keep them clenched, not breast-ready cupped, behind the back), feet(don't fail me now), eyes(don't shut, hell I can't shut), conscience(what the f--k are you doing), and entire body( sway towards, move back); Of all the patented Hollywood moves, your author picks the Pushme-pullyu approach. For those of you to young to remember, this was the crated animal sent to Rex Harrison's Dr. Doolittle which shared two heads that confused humans pulled in opposite directions. So I leaned forward thinking a kiss was in order and once I heard her utter a phrase, I pulled back with a horrified look on my face.

Did she just say not yet, or did I give her the Zhivago look and had a Soviet era nyet shot at me. Irregardless, I felt like a fool and the panic was setting in. First of all, although she is beautiful, there really is not that same attraction with she who does not call, is my first foray into expanding my horizons and stop being the transitional man a flop? Holy shit, she's a sharer, which means that one who announces to all around her meaningless lunch plans would not hesitate to actually report something worthwhile!!

Needless to say, we both could not wait for her to go. She, I am, sure rushing out for no other reason than to get that pizza before it totally coagulated, and I, to embark on my evening 3 mile run in order to I-Pod blast these thoughts out of my mind with the help of Mick and Keith. I left the traditional message apologizing before I turned off the cell and turned on high volume "All Down the Line."

The question I have for all of the Saxettes is this, do I ask if she said not yet, or was it nyet?Some of you are already thinking get over the one you adore before moving on, but I need to do something. Hanging out with my muses and watching chick flicks is not cutting it anymore. I love them, and the education I have received from their no detail sparing, evil manner of talking about men, is priceless. The one has caught my interest because of her amazing soul is for now totally lost nd in her two week silence is sending me a message. I cannot assume the role of the saving-guy, although I want to be there when she needs a hand.

So where do I go from here,

So asks Sax...

Partial Practical List of First Dates Dont's #1

As I calmly waited for the promised call which once again did not ever come, into my life walks a new person who I happen to meet in the most unlikely of places. As we talked for the very first time, I had strategically placed my vibrate-set cell phone in a place where I would be sure to feel it when the call which would never be made would never arrive.(Sax tip #345, want to get a guy's heart to grow cold, never stimulate it as he places the phone in the shirt pocket next to defective pacemaker in order to guarantee he can feel that which was to never arrive.) Well, 10 minutes of stimulating Sax conversation led to the whipping out of the ol' business card(hers of course) and lunch plans were made.

As I arrived on time, my "lunch date" got there a few minutes late and in we went to one of the more expensive sushi places in town. I had suggested this locale in order to see whether, based upon the expensive fare, it would meet with even the most fainthearted of objections, but to no avail. (Sax Guy Tip #1: Unless the room is goin to be swayin', ain't no use in payin'). So, reflecting upon the whole conversation, I thought about a list of things not to do at the first lunch, the order is based not upon priority, but the randomness of my thought process.

#1. Many of us have children that we extremely proud of, but when the phrase "when you meet my kids" is used, that's all a man will remember from the conversation. That seems presumptuous and already taking that which is not there to the next level. One sees a revolving door of men coming in and out of a kid's life that sets up too many questions. My kids are buzz saws ready to tear up anyone I meet. Are they resentful, no, overly protective-yes. They have seen their father treated badly and have made it a life mission, so long as they can or care, to guarantee that no woman will hurt dad. There is the old adage of "like me, have to like my kids," but too many temporary faces seems to add to instability. My ex likes to introduce them to Velcro man and my kids can only joke about who they term the "latest."

#2. The old "I told everyone we were having lunch," This also raises the hackles in that why do people have to know we are meeting up. What if I'm a jerk, what if I don't show, what if I want to go out with one of your friends, what if I declare this is a dutch lunch. The scenarios are endless, but the point is nerves start getting edgy when all the girls at work know about the "lunch date".

#3. Okay, so you know what I do for a living, why ask me about your own personal questions for a free opinion. Like, fer instance, asking a plastic surgeon to lunch and trying to find out how botox really works and what he/she could do for your body. Not too cool, I have a life, a little interest in that would earn more brownie points than a free session. There is that fine line to be drawn between getting to know you and mooching, learn it and stick to the edge.

#4. Don't it in a position of being able to watch ESPN Deportes and find the arm wrestling match pitting the best of the Vatican City and Antarctica interesting. There is a limit to the amount of glances at the TV to make sure that those collared men in black advance to the next round.

So this is the beginning and on the second date she was only 15 minutes late, an increase of 10% from the last time and I can only hope that by the fifth date she will be showing up on time for the seventh,

So Sez Sax....

Life is Like an Elevator...

From the reaction to my last writing, it seems that the proverbial nerve has been stricken. Watching my sex kitten friends go in and out of relationships while I struggle with my own has been interesting and educational. Over the past year I have ventured into the dating extremes, from a crazy manipulator who had total disregard for anyone around her ( the "I AM # 1" tattoo on her right buttock and should have been a hint, I just thought she cheered in college) to someone I thought had finally accepted me for who I was as a person but ended up just needing a long distance phone partner to help her fall asleep when she was lonely(As my best friend told me, "don't ever call me with the she really likes me for me and not what I do line ever again", which I have avoided since). What I finally began to realize is that these relationships were steps backward and were my feeble attempts to venture into familiar territory.


Meet woman, woman needs help, I help, woman happy, live happily ever after, has been my dating mantra for years. Up and down. Ladies, you have at least once played the damsel in distress card. But my being a sucker for this line was more a reflection on my own faults more than anyone else. In my mind, I was meeting a strong woman who had gone through hell and were ready for that new strong man. I was Bogie, ready to hand over those letters of transit to Victor and Ilsa, and save the free world. But in retrospect, these were people who played the victim more than the strong heroine, either by choice or circumstance. But all these relationships were draining and sucked the life out of me.

That has been my challenge of late. To avoid the pitfalls of the the past, you have to accept the fact that a good part of your adult life has been spent lying next to people who did not really care for you and that you placed yourself in this love quandary. Only once in the recent past have I went to sleep with my arms around someone who for one fleeting moment looked at me with some sort of emotion. Of course, this has also been short lived since her reality is the same as everyone else I met. The one difference between her and others in my past is her vocalization that her instability threatens mine. One could take this as a nice way to blow off someone, but she gets the benefit of the doubt. This only endeared her more to me, but inablity to follow up on the simplest of promises has begun to harden my heart, which I believe is her goal.

As we all go through our struggles with life: debt, kids, more debt, ex's bullshit, more debt, we have this added societal pressure that being alone is an aberration. Even the commercials now tout the wonder drugs that can aid us sexually, no matter what the age. But watching a movie alone as I contemplate life in my boxers isn't that bad. So long as I keep putting the thought out there, the present, which is chock full of kids who adore you, friends you can laugh and enjoy being with, and good health is pretty friggin cool,

So Sez Sax...

Grumblings from a Transitional Man

Okay, my little Saxettes, did not write a word of 10 days and some of you were already calling out the blog police to see if I was okay. There are those of you who pictured me sunning along a nude stretch of the Costa del Sol, as the rest of the bod strives to reach that tanned face that George Hamilton had to admit was better looking than his own(both face and tan). Others of you had me strolling the casinos in Las Vegas, bleary eyed from making love all night and relinquishing every last bit of human decency begging God for a break with every roll of the die. One of our more creative fans imagined that my legal residence was on 24 hour lock down and I would resurface once the warden gave the all clear.


Well, it's all clear, we have been let out of the cells and away we go.

I have actually been contemplating several aspects of life. The one we will explore tonight is the affect of loneliness on the human psyche. Lately I have slipped and began to feel lonely. Was I actually missing the company of people in my life who, in exchange for occasional sex, were given carte blanch to humiliate me and treat me in a manner that served to validate themselves as a person. When I really contemplated that the Fed Board met more times a year than I engaged in that most carnal of acts(they looked more satisfied after announcing whether the reserve rate was going up or down than I) decided it was not worth it. There is clearly a difference between being lonely and being satisfied to being alone. Loneliness connotes a certain pathos in your existence while being able to stand yourself screams of comfort with the skin God gave you.

Did the feeling of loneliness came from my own selfish desire to feel good that I could have a person around? That was a scary thought and signaled my first realization that I just took a step backwards. While going through the metamorphosis, I had resolved to be alone, get to know who I really am, get in touch with all the qualities that had been leeched out of me, and move forward. But as we meet people, especially those we are attracted to, some have the tendency to slide into old habits and have some person's view tarnish the mirror into which we are looking.

Then it dawned on me! I had become the transitional guy. Oh come on ladies, you know who this is, because you have all used one in the past. he is on the shelf in Wal-mart between the talking fish and the Mr. Perfect string pull doll. He's the guy with the pastel cape and the scarlet letter T on the forehead which can only be made out by humans with a certain estrogen level. This is not the A-Team's Mr. T. This is the after break up guy who is safe. Not the just run to sex guy to get out your anger or reaffirm our desirability. He is good-looking and successful enough to be seen with, has potential to make ex a bit nervous; nice enough that he will not hurt you in the short term; patient enough that he can understand your situation and talk to you; not a control freak, so you can take advantage of the situation and manipulate it, because, of course, you will never let another man tell you what to do; and mature enough to handle it when you tell him to kiss you bye as you utter one of the oldest cliche's "can we just still be friends."

I reflected this Memorial Day weekend on all the past relationships, there was the stark realization that most, if not all, the women in my life were in a state of flux when I met them. After being dogged, they met the nice even tempered, attractive, classy male which was absolutely nothing like the cad who the had been involved with and shazaam, a doomed relationship developed.

So, ladies, when you come across Mr. T, although the natural inclination is to be safe and all the self-help books tell you to use and toss, you may be throwing away the best friend, lover and companion you will ever meet,

So Sez Sax....

Can she stop going out with him? Is she going to take him home 2night?

Writing of leaping off the bandwagon of the routine and taking a positive step may have manifested for one Saxette. The relationship had been ongoing for years with the negative aspects involving alcohol and drugs far outweighing anything this man brought to her life. There is always a problem when Mr. Perfect cannot hang with your friends or family because no one can stand who he is and the horrible way he treated this incredible woman

In order to keep the embers glowing, he would harass, insult and denigrate her to a point that she may have actually believed she was the person he was describing. One of the kickers was his ability to blame these lifelong problems on this woman in order to tap into the guilt she carries inside her as they relate to relationships. This whole relationship has been cyclical, whenever anyone of us judged or criticized her, she became defensive and would encourage us to evaluate our own relationships, each of which was quirky in its own way.

Recently she tried to make another break. He attempted to manipulate her when she was going out of town with her friends by a strategically timed call that included the ex-girlfriend in the background reassuring my friend that the jerk and her were out as just friends. It is an incredibly cruel human being to purposely hurt another for the sole purpose of destroying any enjoyment that the other may have in life that did not revolve around the psycho.

But she got away. Armed with advice from a friend on the my space page, we devised a plan to get out from the clutches of this creep. First and foremost was to get out of the house and keep the mind busy. An empty home is conducive to depression and obsession over he who is not worthy and filed thy cup with misery. Behold, she spent time with a friend and got to know his brother. As they talked, she realized this man who was always around, was an incredible amazing, interesting person. She saw this person for who he really is. She had a great time and kept too busy to obsess.

The following Monday, she received a text indicating that he had moved on and the jerk proclaimed that the relationship was done. My advice was for her not to answer him at all, which thankfully, she didn't. Well my little Saxettes, you know what followed. By Friday he was once a raging lunatic demanding to know what was going on and where he stood. Guys like this are very scary, because they just cannot let go and get angry over being rejected. But as I said, fate would have it, she met a man who wants to listen to what she has to say and appreciates her for her wit, intelligence and beauty. The only hope is that she realizes that she does deserve to be treated nicely, will take it day by day, and will not, repeat will not, in any shape or form sabotage this relationship based on the Groucho adage of not belonging to any club who would have her as a member.

It is not like there are times I refuse to face the facts. As a good friend once said to me, why do we refuse to listen when women tells us what they want. (Sax dating tip 2,345: Ladies, speak clearly and consistently when you have to, we are not mind readers and some have to be bluntly told. You also have a tendency to not totally close a door on the off chance you want it opened one day, which leads to mixed messages and lost sleep.) There are times when we cross paths with people for a certain reason. We may not be ready for one person because we need to learn painful lessons from another. We may also have to learn to wait for someone special because they need to deal with their life at that particular moment in time. This does not mean we become the crying rag, but are there to hold their hand or lend an ear, and offer honest advice.

What is meant to be is meant to be and we should continue to live our lives until that special person sashays or stumbles into our arms,


So Sez Sax......

Happy Mother's Day, 2008

To all the mother's out there, may you be appreciated and treated like you deserve. A mother is a caring nurturing individual who accepts full responsibility for another life. This is a person who realizes the awesome task of raising another and preparing them for trials and tribulations of everyday life.

A mother is more than a biological entity which produced an egg, just like a dad is more than a sperm donor.(find that one on a Hallmark card) There are many women who raise or adopt children who understand what it is to nurture. They accept a responsibility that another was not ready or able to accept. I realize also when women let a child go, they always, for even one second, ponder their decision or wonder where their baby may have gone. They may an important decision for themselves and the welfare of their baby and acted as a mother to protect and place the child in a better situation. There are also those who today serves as a painful reminder of a child they lost, may the universe answer you prayers and bless you with a life you so richly deserve and who deserves and needs you.

So to all, a joyful day spent with the children who love you for you, Happy Mother's day to you Mom. I dutifully called at the crack of dawn and it was nice to hear your voice. May you enjoy your day with your children and grandchildren.

How I Got off the Treadmill of the Damned and Mundane!!! Part One

There comes a time in every one's life when we have to make a choice that will impact us for the rest of our lives. Some of us shy away from that moment, we choose to "stay the course" which seems to always lead to disastrous results. If the course is leading you to the edge of an abyss, as you are hurling down the Mariana trench is not the best of times to reconsider the wisdom of your actions.

Mine came on Good Friday in April, two years ago. As I was considering how to save a disastrous relationship and pondering all the consequences of staying in a loveless marriage, I met the most amazing person. As I sat in this therapist office thinking all the reasons why I did not need to see her, something inside of me said just give her a chance. I was already as rotund as Dr. Phil(how he sells diet books I still can't figure, it is obvious he follows the bigger the suit, the smaller the man philosophy that served me well for years, man I've got to meet Oprah!!) and a serving of unbaked Cheetos or double stuffed Oreos away from a heart attack.

After our meeting, the realization that I was just a carcass housing the remnants of a soul was not too appealing. I knew full well that the two people I treasured most in this life would be devastated if death took me at such an early age, so I decided to get off the Treadmill of the Damned and the Mundane.

Each of us has one of these they keep around. It keeps us at a safe speed, don't even need the little wrist wrap stop attachment because it would be another thing for the paramedics to deal with when they are pushing volts through your chest, and you can take it everywhere!! It's the only thing you can't buy on e-bay because these are tailor-made and built to specs that fit only you and your experiences. you can take it to work, hide it from the boss, and fits nicely under the deep fryer at your job in McDonald's.

But what happens when you decide to get off and live and breathe life like the universe intended? What happens when your partner, who has encouraged you to step back up on this machine every time you dared to take a foot off to wade in the pool of life, starts reacting to this new found idea that spiritual freedom is a good thang.

Well, I have been informed by Saxettes a little bit younger than I, that attentions spans in this new medium just ain't what they used to be, so let's pick up tomorrow night with how I and other's that I know got off the t-mill and where that has led in our lives,

So Sez Sax......

One year ago, I got some news...

While I was strolling through the streets of a certain southern city, my phone rang one year ago, May 5, 2007 at 1:30 a.m. The number I recognized as a family member's who never would call me this late unless it was dreadful news. And it truly was. I was told that our father had just passed, I was in shock. Not that he had not lived an incredibly long and marvelous life, but the realization that this man, who I had taken for granted would be there, was gone. As fate would have it, my best friend was just showing up to the place we were all to meet and I was able to share with him that moment of grief.

The last time I had seen him was three months before and he was his cantankerous self. He had spent an incredibly reckless youth and had the opportunity to travel the world. He was in Morocco when the French still owned it and had many foreign legionnaires friends who died in the same jungles he would, 13 years later, spend a year and one half of his life. There were stories that I would hear with my friends for the first time which were hilarious and stories that I could not make up about his own antics when visiting my newly adopted hometown.

What I will never forget is how generous he was to strangers and his willingness to open his own home to a person in need, offering them refuge and food for a period of months. Whenever I needed help, he was quick to offer, although he had not agreed with some decisions I had made. We never fought, he closest we came was when the "Draculas" as he would label my friend and I would come in at 4:00 a.m. reeking of garlic pizza(covered up any odors) and have my car keys taken. No sweat, I had to work in 4 hours anyways and by 7:55 a.m I was jingling out the door.

When I first saw him, I could not cry, for it was the first time he was at peace. As I delivered his eulogy, I could not cry. I could look into the eyes of my best friend who had guided me in preparing the text and celebrated my father's goodness. My family had not only taken in my friend's mom, but had also offered him the same hospitality. We were not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but always were cared for and we learned from him the importance of friends in your life. As he grew older and received news from all over the world about some old buddy that had passed, I saw him slowly drawn into isolation. As grandchildren came into his life, there was a renewal, but age tooks it's toll.

Looking back on the changes that had recently occurred in my life, I can say that at the end, he was able to see his son happy. All my ups and downs over the years, he observed from a distance and refused to judge me. That I will be eternally grateful for and hope to emulate as my own friends and family deal with life.

So, Dad, I lift a glass to you and may your spirit enjoy the freedom it has justly deserved,

So Sez Sax......

Lovin' Cup Revisited

There are very few songwriters who can evoke descriptive passion as well Mick n' Keith. Their songs can only be described as crotch movin' music, but perfect lyrics drive the message like a stake through the heart. As I was listening to Lovin' Cup for the upteenth time (both the cuts from Exiles and Shine a Light) some of my favorite lines are as follows, but to get the full effect, you would of course, have to listen to the albums:

I feel so humble with you tonight,
Just sitting in front of the fire.
See your face dancing in the flame,
Feel your mouth kissing me again,
What a beautiful buzz, what a beautiful buzz,

This reminds me of how we meet people in our lives and are able at times to share only what seems like moments. There are times when we are able to become so passionate about living and people with whom we share our live. We can vividly picture the times we kissed or held someone and the intense emotion of that encounter, that beautiful buzz that carries us until the next time we are able to share time together. Those able to recreate that feeling whenever they are together and can truly feel that almost psychic connection, are very blessed.

When we have that connection and can feel the pure, unadulterated emotion of the moment, everything around us disappears. You can be standing in the middle of a restaurant in Atlanta, on a sidewalk in Manhattan, or that famous Parisian Street that spell check won't let me get away with, and the entire world disappears. We then live for the next time you can feel that person next to you and able to look into their eyes and see bliss. I have thought on many occasions that I had entered this higher state of love, only to realize the moments were not right or my perception was off base. All I can hope for is that if there is any future potential for an emotional connection with any person with whom my path has crossed, that the universe provide me guidance and that I am able to recognize the moment.

The question becomes how do we keep this emotion alive. Can we have the same passion every time we see this person. The routine becomes mundane, but only if we choose this path. As we worry about bills, the price of gas, sick loved ones, what is going to happen to my future, We tend to take those most important for granted. We seem to lose interest and transform into those poor souls who sit at dinner or in front of a T.V. and utter ne'er a word. This does not mean that there is no love, but life without passion is lived in a perpetual coma. When we do wake from this state we find that life has passed us by and this realization may come at your deathbed.

I have thought on many occasions that I had entered this higher state of love, only to realize the moments were not right or my perception was off base. All I can hope for is that if there is any future potential for an emotional connection with any person with whom my path has crossed or will cross, that the universe provide me guidance to recognize what I have before me.

So, we must always be conscious of our loved ones and their desires. As we walk in the park, we must again enjoy every part of nature and savor thoroughly our existence.(Unless your park has too many of the fuzzy tailed rodents) Only when we realize the happiness in ourselves, can we attain that beautiful buzz that intensely loving another is meant to bring about,

So Sez Sax.......

The Talk, role of the rescuer, Take 567, action....

Now it is time to discuss one of the more dreaded conversation in relationshipdom, "The Talk." This is one conversation which I have always avoided in the past. It is that point where you have been living in a limbo and want to finally know where you stand. My reputation as a heart breaker has preceded me and the mere inference that my at-the-time-babe and I needed some time alone to speak would be enough to make some women pass out in distress.

But there comes that time in every relationship when we reach the crossroads. I am talking about a Robert Johnson type crossroads where your soul can be for the taking unless you can beat your own demons. In a sense, your soul is up for grabs because their are too many people who have conditioned their own self worth on the opinion of others. If the newest in an assembly line of dream people does not want us, what does that mean about who we are? We tend to forget how funny, smart, articulate and personable we really are and replace all these decent qualities with a sense of inferiority based upon how we look. Because, if we are rejected, the package always sells the goods. If you live your life this way, then be ready to be perpetually disappointed.

You all know "the talk": you have met a really nice man/woman, who treats you alot better than the last one(who for some reason, you are still pining over because when they get their act together, life will be grand). The feelings are not there, but people want to know where they stand. As Woody once so masterfully articulated, relationships are like sharks, they move forward or die. The last thing anyone wants on their hands is a dead fish. So should we stay or should we go? One of the first assessments is deciding what role you will both play in each others lives.

There are times when you meet a person so hurting that you feel that you can save them. After all, once you accomplish such a noble feat, they will turn to you and fall deeply in love.(Sax FX at this point, sound of needle being pulled across record. For the younger one's, think of a heavy handed hip hop DJ cutting wax). Reality is that what they may need at that time is a bona fide friend, not a doting puppy. These people are in limbo, in that space, they do not have the emotional capacity to become involved. Nor would you have the stamina to keep up the buddy facade as you listen to their problem while yearning for their touch. So why get involved with someone who isn't there? Rescuers are us is closed for business because they can only save themselves. This does not mean they are abandoned, that would make you a real shit to toss someone because they won't be romantically involved.

As time goes by, they may wake and see you out enjoying yourself and figure out what they missed or what can still be. As you move on, you both may be on the same page one day and discover this soul mate you have been yearning for. You may rise out of your own slumber and shudder as you try to calculate all the time wasted crying and yearning for he/she who was not meant.

When the time comes and you initiate "the talk" with someone who is still hurting, you have made progress because finally, there is some recognition of the limits one has over another's happiness. Do not put your life on hold for another, because only through living will you realize your full potential, and only then will you attract one who desires and loves you as much as you do them. This person wants to share your journey to be with you, and not for what you can do for them,

So Sez Sax.......

I am too Proud to Beg,

The great things about parties is what lessons we learn, or refuse to learn, when you have been in a relationship with the host. For the second, mind you the second time, I have had the distinct pleasure of going to a reception/open house where a person that I had gone out with was serving as a host. The first was so embarrassing that it dredges up too many memories. What is intriguing about these situations are these women's urge to shore up the amount of attendees by inviting all past and current flings, then placing them in the same room.


With men it is very interesting, in that the whole Alpha Male theory gets played out before a group of unsuspecting witnesses. Sometimes it is almost possible to imagine the marking of territory as the jockeying for position begins. For my latest venture, I was dressed as impeccably as ever and, walking with a confidence and adrenaline that can only be enhanced with the Stones' new live version of "All Down the Line" still ringing in your ears, came unto the scene. I was lucky enough, as in my venture before this one, to have two of my good friends meet me there(easily accomplished by the presence of free wine and food). What was of interest is that I slipped in unnoticed and was able to strategically position myself to observe the play unfold.


I know this guy saw me, because he got anxious right away(of course), but she had no clue what was going on. I was able to observe her introduce him to all. Also, he was the follower and had fully taken the role of the "she is with me" guy. As an independent observer to this scenario, I got that feeling of why am I wasting my time here. The key in those situations is knowing yourself, when to leave. The one thing just as bad as a repeater is the lingerer. You all know him, the guy at the party who is in the corner violating every protocol by staying too long. Well, that was the cue that it is my time to move on. After five minutes of being there, those little inner voices were screaming "run away." You've spent hours listening to this person's issues and heard her cry, but now are questioning what you have been doing. Well the answer is easy, it is time to move on.


From some of the comments on the post, it seems that there are many people who sell themselves short and settle just for the sake of company. These are people who are talented in their respective fields, have a great sense of humor and have led interesting lives. We are willing to overlook every sign that the person has some serious issues, willing to put up with B.S. we don't deserve, and then wonder why it did not work out when the facade crumbles.

So, be positive about yourself and consider what an awesome individual you are. Do not take on any one else's issues on as your own, and consider the source when they disappoint you, which they will,

So Sez Sax....

Passion Noise Source Identified

For the past couple of weeks, the entire neighborhood has been bombarded by the sound of cats engaging in love-making. I am all for nature taking it's course. but when it interferes with my ability to get beauty rest, the line is drawn in the sand.

After baiting several traps with female cat decoys scented with my favorite cologne, I was finally able to catch the stud who was fertilizing the 'hood. So, we decided to head on over and capture the special moment with those camera wizards at the local Super Wal-Mart. It is quite obvious as to what makes him attractive to the opposite ilk.

Before setting him back into the love alleys, I gave him a stern lecture on the benefits of bringing wine, chocolates, and roses to every encounter , I now am resting comfortably knowing that these vixens are being appropriately feted before submitting to their mate's will,

So Sez Sax....

(no animals were harmed in the making of this blog)

Finding Love With a Little Help From My Friends...and Family

"The Myth of Love, like some new best friend, bright promise of tomorrow, and tomorrow without end..." Georgia Satellites...

Is this ever elusive concept attainable, do we really understand this emotion? Even I in the past have confused this concept with lust, have made the mistake of considering the lack of by a partner a direct reflection on me, and have vowed to renounce the love quest and adopt hedonism because of frustration. (Sax tip, questing for love never works, the universe guides your partner to you, kinda like that Holy Grail thang). We have developed and categorized love into different levels and types, far too many to go into in blog land. But when you look into the eyes of a child and are able to observe the pure unadulterated, unconditional love as you put them to bed at night, it is an incredible emotion. When you have a problem, and, no matter how foolish, blind, and/or reckless you have been, when you see/hear the care and concern about the predicament from a friend as they try to console you or set you straight, it is an incredible feeling.

Friends and family accept us for who we are. Family is pretty much stuck with you, to a degree and true friends develop a loyalty. However, wouldn't it be nice to have the same type of commitment, get the same types of looks, from one we loved on a different plane. How nice it would be to walk with a partner and catch a glimpse that for one moment tells you, that, at that instant, there is no other place in the universe they would rather be than by your side. The look that has nothing to do with status, money or materialism. Friendships and relationships will always have their pitfalls. There will never be a friend who does not disappoint you nor a lover who will not anger you. But how people grow from these instances will always depend on the strength of ties that bind. I have been blessed with amazing friends and family who are all living life to the fullest while struggling with its realities.

So, why should we not require from a partner the same type of commitment, respect, love and understanding, that we come to expect and seem to demand from our friends and family? Some let people treat them like dirt and put up with B.S. which are greater transgressions than you have broken up friendships over.

Either we can consider love a myth which is just a clarion call, as penned by Dan and Rick, or we can open our hearts to that person who will treat us how we deserve and catch that glimpse that we have only dreamt,

So Sez Sax....

INTERPOL IMPOSTER ALERT!!!!

It has come to my attention that an impostor has been luring women into parks in Queensland, Australia, only to pass himself off as yours truly. The wannabe groped this unwitting woman right after this photo was taken. I was contacted by Interpol but was able to provide a verifiable alibi, so no charges will be filed. From the lack of lips and small sized tennis shoes, I believe it is my cousin Ernie , a ne'er do well who is unemployed, has an affinity for over sized scarfs and is usually found in public parks because that is where he resides.

Babes, do not be fooled!! Unlike most men, I will respect you for who you are and not for what you can provide. I don't require you to wear a disguise, because I don't, (a french maid costume, maybe, but not a disguise), and the only wood around would be burning in my fireplace,

So Sez Sax....

He Loves you, Right, Right, Right...

Glad I wasn't penning the Fab Four's lyrics or they would still be stuck in Liverpool waiting for the resurgence of punk. However, as people enter into relationships with the perennial "user loser", the last thing they need is the I told you so's from their friends. Being the other woman is never an easy thing and the "he is breaking up with her" line is so predictable that even Hollywood land over uses it as a transitional filler.

So, what is it about us that makes us hang on to toxic relationships. We have friends who are the other woman, love the addict who won't give up the pipe, alcoholic who chooses the company of semi-homeless on the next bar stool over you, the person who is too busy to call, the let's get together tomorrow promise breaker, or people who have a general disregard for the feeling, s thoughts and wants of another. Honesty in relationships is cherished and a virtue, but the first person we really need to be up front with is ourselves. We have a basic understanding, at an almost subconscious level, if we are getting ready to tread on quicksand. In all my life it was not until last year that I actually listened to what my soul was yelling. It is not that I did not hear it, but more like I was not worthy of the door of happiness it was trying to open.

When you are in a particular setting and aware of all going on, and your first instinctive thought upon seeing a hot attractive individual is negative. Go with the heart's flow, because it is what will hurt in the long run. We all slip and fall back into bad habits and comfortable ways, but when our friends are trying to protect, unless they are all psychotic,(Sax hint: surrounded by certifiably crazy friends with a DSM-IV diagnosis is not a good thang),listen to them.

We all know what is best, but everyone puts on the blinders and has a myopic outlook on life we think he/she loves me. The ass is not worth you pain and suffering. They hurt you at your most vulnerable, make you feel that you are not attractive and dangle that yarn of hope whenever they can So, when we are in times of trouble, draw up the friend circle, learn to love yourself,and cut yourself some slack. There is so much out there...

So Sez Sax.....

We're all alright, We're all alright...

Well, as one of my dear friends struggles with decisions, I came to the realization that everyone, to some degree, is out of kilter. Now, I have no idea where that expression comes from, but one can imagine that a Scotsman, skinny dipping, would be out of kilter. So, a logical extension is that we are all showing the world, to some extent, that which is most private, in a most public way. When Cheap Trick sang Surrender and as Robin Zander screams that we're all alright, he seems to be trying to convince himself that his insanity is the norm, and holy shit, he was right.

What makes us fun and interesting are all the quirks and twists which makes us individuals. As I edit out the dozens of babes yearning to be my friend, I have been fascinated as to the interesting life they have led and quite puzzled as to the availability of such incredible women. What gives with the men in their respective communities. Are they too eager to get "out of kilter" with these fine babes that they ignore the incredible beauty and accomplishments of these women. Are these men so egotistical or the ratio of male to female so great that these "duds" think they have the pick of the litter.

As I wander into relationship blog land, I am amazed as to the amount of men giving advise to women as to how to win back the guy who just treated you like garbage and dumped you into a heap. We all have our nuances, but if one really cared about another for what they added to their life, you learn to deal with quirks and enjoy that persons company. I am amazed as to people I meet that are in such shock from the last relationship that they are walking on eggshells.

Even as I get ready to roll into my king size water bed, I wonder how many gorgeous women are skimming the net because some troll had to bolster their own ego by obliterating another's self worth. So ladies, get off those keyboards and stay with me as we navigate the turbulent love water in hopes of meeting that one guy who deserves to hang with you and watch Bogie whistle at "the Kid" in "Key Largo,"

So Sez Sax......

Beauty on the Internet

Women are incredible!!! I am not saying this because my mother was one, but when I started to send out messages inviting people to join my blog, it is amazing reading the insights of people whose path I would have never crossed. As you look into some of the eyes in the photos, you wonder what loves, sadness, happiness and tragedy these souls may have experienced. The one constant throughout the messages and the profiles(except for the really over the edge Gothics that actually scared me, but who I still was tempted to invite) was hope. Everyone has their own true inner beauty which is reflected on their outside being.

We all dream and think about the world as we would want it. The realization that we are, where we are, because of all the choices we have made(very Chopraish) should not send us spiraling into madness, but help us reflect on where we want to be. If there are negative experiences, we turn these into positives as lessons learned. Spending time crying over that lost love should translate into the joy we would have brought into that person's life. Not that our role was to "cure" that person's ills, but we are there to listen and make suggestions as they went forward on their journey. If that individual abandons you because they can or have found "better," it is more of a reflection on a companionship that they have lost instead of a slam on you.

To make things right, the universe quickly sends you a signal as to who this person may have really been. This may come in the form of something they actively do, or sometimes, more importantly, that which they fail to do. Never expect people to act as you would have given a set of circumstances, you will always be disappointed. But when they fail to be decent, as that inner soul that connects us all, defines that term, it sets in as to where you really stood in that person's hierarchy of importance.

We always spend time and effort on that which is important, even more so today with our self imposed time-restrained lifestyles. Some of us are healing, so we need to reflect on ourselves to be better able to share life and love with others. Some are at a good place and the moment they stop searching out that "perfect person," he/she waltzes into their life,

So Sez Sax......

You had to be expecting the Cliche' Bathroom Photo-Op

We have been a little serious of late. So much drama, so much time. Thought I would break out, for all you ladies, a shot of me in the tub. Don't go too wild and make this your desktop screen saver, would hate for female productivity in the work place to take a dive due to swooning, especially during such an economic crisis, cause you know the Fed Reserve will blame me.

Cowboy, Cowboy, Sax

Could not leave the great state of Texas without wearing traditional native, clothing. Almost felt an urge to saddle me a mare while I had visions of being one of the Village People. Talk about extremes. The store manager almost sold me this fine chapeau, but I found the Judge Roy Bean noose too distracting.

Yeah he has a Serious Ass Problem, but he needs me!

My heart goes out for those who believe they have found their soul mate, only to find that Mr./Ms. Perfect has another, more powerful love. Addiction to alcohol or drugs is something that you just can't compete with. You can't ever dress nicer, make love better, look prettier, and be a more creative partner when the your opposition is an uncontrollable physical and/or psychological urge.

The problem is when you divert your life from it's normal course, and meet someone who rocks. You get to know them and they are incredible. But once the demons rear their ugly heads, If he/she truly loves you and recognizes that they have a problem, there are the resources available for most people to get out of the hole. If you are willing to deal with the repeated false promises, the relapses that will never happen again. The potential of a life altering incident, such an arrest or an accident, exists every time you leave the sanctuary of your home with this person. If you become another one of their obsessions, then it becomes dangerous for you.

So, if there is true love, if this is the person the universe has planned for you to meet, there are conditions to your happiness. These involve one making a change and committing to it. If the fool is willing to lose you over drugs or booze, they are a piece of work who needs to find their love connection at the end of a bottle or after sharing a line with another stuck in the same abyss.

People have a innate right to live as they wish, but there is no reason, other than doubts about yourself and what happiness you deserve, to jump aboard a sinking ship. Let the fool go, your job is to love, not save. It will always be their loss, though they will destroy your ego rather than admit it,

So Sez Sax......

Friends help Shine a Light

"When you're drunk in the alley, baby, with your clothes all torn And your late night friends leave you in the cold gray dawn. Just seemed too many flies on you, I just can't brush them off. " Jagger/Richards "Shine a Light" Exiles on Main Street.

Now, far it be from me to hop on the Stones bus to get some hits on my blog, but....., this is the greatest concert movies ever made. Never have I seen the boys captured and saw glimpses of what makes them great without having to be in an arena, paying $450.00 a seat to watch a big screen. The greatest Rock and Roll Band was in New Orleans in 1978. We mailed off for our $19.00 tickets, got crushed against the doors six months after Cincinnati, and watched the best band in the world after having to put up with Van Halen and the Doobie Brothers.

So with friends who leave you in an alley, who needs enemies?? Well, it is time to reflect on how blessed we are in our lives to have people who really care. For a sec., really consider those who have been there through thick and thin. Every time the waters start rocking, I have to consider the great men and women I have met who I can rely on when the shit hits the fan. Troubled waters faced your writer this week(not female related, of course) and with the press of a button, I had people from all over the country calling me to tell me all was cool. When you have a person or two who feel their destiny is to make you miserable, humiliate you, gossip about you, for the reason which escape you, it is always good to remember those folks who have your back.

Also telling is when there is something happening which will impact the rest of your life, people who you think care know about it, and they don't even bother asking, sends that clear sign that you misjudged who that person may be. As a wise sage once told me, people place their time and energy into those things that are important to them. You may be disappointed in folks for not taking steps or making the calls that you would have done, but do not project yourself and your level of caring on others. If we will be disappointed whenever someone does not do what would in similar circumstances, we would spend too much time in the dumps.

So, when you don't get that pat or call to see how things went, chalk it up where you rate on that person's People of Importance Meter Projector(PIMP) and let it or them go. Barring something that is understandable, a simple I got busy may not cut it.We are all busy, but never so much so, in this day and age, for not sending a text saying u. ok, to someone we love,

So Sez Sax...