Affirmation

The One thing you will never see spew from this keyboard ever again is the term Savage Garden. But this band, who is loved by the oldest of my dearest, has a song by this name which reeks of positive vibes. But as all else in life, we have an amazing ability to seek this notion of affirmation, or reaffirmation (if we try to be real positive) through the actions of others.

This is very disturbing when we are in the process of ending relationships. It is a basic human desire to know that you are ok. Hell, there are books even titled in a manner that makes this a holy crusade. But in the end, this is another self destructive path because our self worth is left in the fickle mind and hands of another. Why we empower people who have had a tenuous or even non-existent impact in our life and thrust them into this position is a question we each much answer in ourselves. What is it in our atomic make-up that makes us decide others perceptions are more worthy than our own?

From the time we emerge, we are dependant on others for our survival on an infinite number of levels. We then rely on these around us to then wean us away so we may stand alone. Standing alone in a world that we perceive as cruel and not to be trusted is a daunting task...if you allow this in your mind.

But what happens if a decision is made to view the world in a different manner? What happens to us as people when we develop the ability to view our place in the universe through a positive lens? Will we have the urge to run to another when we end any kind of relationship? The word affirmation, in itself, depends on an outsider saying what is, is true, it is a positive statement or judgment. What if we knew our decisions and thoughts were, in themselves true, would there be a need to ever be affirmed.


It should be obvious that by now the caffeine has hit and the thoughts are rambling, but we as individuals can answer any of these questions to the satisfaction of ourselves...

Se Sez

We love to sing the Blues...

As I carefully lift the perfect Stones verse in order to match my mood, it is time to share some of the thoughts and feelings that have come to define the direction of my life. As my new found friend and I sang our wounded souls out in the one too many tourist traps of the Crescent City, the opportunity to reevaluate my life rose quicker than that oil which was spewing out of the bottom of the Gulf.

After spending 12 years too many with she who demanded the material world, the past few years have served as a continuing education on the nature of relationships. having met all sorts of incredible women who were rebounding more than any offenses in the NBA, I had settled nicely in the role of the rebound guy. While not one to complain from the nice company I was able to keep, albeit in short spurts, eventually something more permanent was bound to make it's way. After all, dying alone is not much fun. I don't think anyone of us really dies alone. This is a myth that is promulgated by nursing homes in order to fill all their beds with the two fer sales more appropriate for a schooner of beer.

Understanding what makes me tick has been the one part that seems to regress when I get "involved" with another. Ever wrap your grease soaked fingers around a unhealthy hamburger on a daily basis and in a month wondered why not even the big boy pants you had squirreled away in the recess of the closet get stuck on your now cellulite laden knees. Well, a funny thing happens to me the way to the altar. By wrapping my life around the issues and tribulations of another which were existed when the relationship started, balance went out the window and the same old Sax reappeared. Rehashing the whole knight in armor thing is getting old, but Marley starts showing up quoting verses from past posts.(Sorry it is Christmas). The blame lies squarely on my burlap shoulders for going down paths from which I have to make a conscious effort to remove the police tape riddled red flags before I transverse.

There are not many blues songs that are premised on notion that I did myself and someone else wrong for going out with a woman who was not perfect for what I need. But this last relationship showed me that if I still overlook what is the obvious, by the time I listen to those sent to watch over me there is a great possibility that I will hurt someone who loves me.
This was not in the plan, but if in your heart there is a loose end, no matter how much you love someone, it could unravel the relationship. We have an incredible ability to lie to ourselves on many different levels and really believe at the time that somehow this will not come back to haunt us.

So, the moral, if any, is that no matter how many self help books you comb through in this lifetime, if at the end you continue to deceive yourself on what will truly make you happy and rely on other fallible humans for this notion, things are not going to end in Disney princess fashion. be honest with yourself and listen to what our inner voice says, don't contort it to fit your immediate need. Only then can you begin to fulfill your own journey, instead of riding someone else's horse to the show...

So Sez,

Sax

I Hear the Hounds...

Yes my little Saxettes, just when you thought that yours truly was going to ride off in a rosy colored sunset as he made his way down to Boca in order to frolic in the sun with the octogenarians, I, like the Phoenix before me, am rising from the ashes and will make this a regular appearance. Swooning season is open as I share with the softer sex(unless you are in South Florida where the tanning oil is being watered down due to the price of crude resulting in more of a rugged, rawhide, leather tanning feel) the deep secrets of what makes a man a man and ladies glad of that.

I Having been to the below sea in New Orleans and seen the light at the House of Blues!

So, the newest journey commences with the sound of other sweep 'er off 'er feeters hot on my trial, as I morally and physically prepare myself to venture into the dark hinterlands of babe world. Please join me in raising a non-date rape laden drink and let us follow the red brick road paved with broken hearts and see what the future holds for this reprehensible lad...

So Sez,
Sax

Reflecting on how I survived a commercial holiday

As that fateful sunday came and went, I felt a sense of relief that I had survived Valentine's Day without any major flashback or disaster. Although I could not help but reflect on the joy and promise I thought this day would hold for my future one year ago, the realization that angels do protect under all circumstances was a relief of sorts. Having spent the day with the two most beautiful young women in the world, I am happy to report that there was a total lack of fighting over computer access. This was due in part on actual use being required as part of hommework and a miracle that occurred when the "slow" computer actually worked.

So how did I manage to not become a clump of depressed flesh yearning for her as I blamed myself for destroying my only chance at true relationship bliss. Very easy my Saxette's, by realizing that the insane pattern of feeling that I had to save had finally been broken and obtaining a zen like balance about thirty days after stepping off a plane from deep in the heart of a southern state.

Well, reality bites hard when you have spent the good part of your life taking responsibility for the actions of others, as you take responsibility for taking respoinsibility for the actions of others. What occurs to me just now is that the last sentence makes sense in a very profound way...

So Sez Sax

How to learn a lesson on love while avoiding lessons

As this past Sunday came and went, I felt a sense of relief that I had survived Valentine's Day without any major flashback or disaster. Although I could not help but reflect on the joy and promise I thought this day would hold for my future one year ago, the realization that angels do protect under all circumstances was a relief of sorts. having spent the day with the two most beautiful creatures in the world, I am happy to report that there was a total lack of fighting over computer access, in part I am guessing on actual use being required as part of homework and a miracle that occurred when the "slow" computer actually worked.

So how did I manage to not become a clump of depressed flesh yearning for her as I blamed myself for destroying my only chance at true relationship bliss. Very easy my Saxette's, by realizing that the insane pattern of feeling that I had to save had finally been broken and obtaining a zen like balance about thirty days before after stepping off a plane from down south.

Well, reality bites hard when you have spent the good part of your life taking responsibility for the actions of others, as you take responsibility for taking responsibility for the actions of others. What occurs to me just now is that the last sentence makes sense in a very profound way. it is only when we realize our own limitations as humans and allow others the opportunity to screw up and learn from their mistakes, do we and them grow as individuals. Saving others also allows us to lie to ourselves by creating a fiction of superiority as we aid the less fortunate. Acting as a savior allows us to conveniently avoid the responsibility of taking care of our own selves. Only when we are whole in soul and body does the desire to save release itself and is replaced by the loftier goal of becoming the kind of person one who is also whole would be attracted to as a partner. Saving others also does not let them learn their own lessons, your "favor," in the long run, does nothing but set that person's soul back.

My life has been an avoidance of dealing with my own issues, but the universe has blessed me with a chance to make up for lost time and get a balance that has been missing my entire life. These are the things that I have known but refused to confront and now relish in the acceptance of who I am and what I can offer. I know that many may think that being stuck in the Tolle ego is no improvement in any one's lot, but where I am is beyond that point. The soul and the body are together for the first time, and the possibilities as life continues as to what will be accomplished are mind boggling. Only in being whole can one give back to the universe and freely accept what is being offered in return.

On a commercialized day where we are reminded to love someone and that only through gifts or other outward expressions of materialistic gratitude do we tell someone we love them, I was reminded by a child with the simplicity of words that I have heard in one phonetic form or another for 14 years. The heartfelt meaning of "I love you daddy" and "thank you daddy" erased even the thought of missing someone who could say the words I love you but not back them when I really needed them. Holding ill feelings against anyone is a waste of energy, especially when you realize that this is who they are and are only capable of what they are capable of at that point in their life. But reflecting on the simplicity of the love of a child, even cloaked in a young woman's body, brings home he true meaning of love.

So, let's reflect on those constants who are important in our lives and influence us in even the most subtle of ways, and let us pray for those who have fleetingly touched our lives and gone, that the path they choose lead them to the happiness they so long for in this lifetime...

So Sez Sax