Asx Sax, Question Numero Uno!

Hey, I just got question and made an attempt to answer, here it goes:


Sax,

OK here goes: I am a fairly decent,single female looking for a long term relationship. I can be mmmm how do i say...sexual in a exclusive relationship. I don't flaunt my sexuality. I believe i have more to offer then that along with that. So my question is why do men tend to head straight for the women(OK i will call them that)who flaunt sex and talk filthy? Is that really what men are looking for and if that's what they are looking for i guess i will be single for a while. I refuse to pretend to be something that i do not think is appropriate just to get a man's attention.

So what's you thoughts on this matter?I really need some help here. And if you have the time could you look at my profile and tell me a man's perspective on that as well?Thanks much...

Anonymous

You seem to already know the answer to the first question. If I may be honest, most men want a queen on their arm when they go out and a prostitute in the bedroom when they are alone.You can also flaunt your sexuality without losing your class. The minute you start pretending being someone you are not you will lose all sense of yourself. People may at times take the easy path and go for the trampy one for several reasons. Men who are not looking for a relationship would not want a woman who is confidant. Can't walk all over someone who has their shit together. Most men, even our age are still dealing with many insecurities that are easily assuaged by the dirty talker. At 40, an easy score means that, baby you still got it.

Turning to the my space page, permit me some leeway to say a couple of things in general. All our beauty radiates from within. While going through some of my hardest times while trying to hang on to a loveless marriage, my very alternative therapist suggested an exercise that I have previously blogged. Look at every woman you see and search for her inner beauty, then go back and look at your wife. Although my ex is very attractive, one week of this exercise and she did not quite look the same. You are a beautiful woman who has much to offer, just try to really believe it!

I am not psychiatrist/psychologist and whatever I say has to be taken with a Dead Sea full of salt. Knock off all the self deprecating comments. You have the guts to get up there and let it rip while 95% of the congregation hides in the pews. Music and singing are your loves, run with them, don't pull the "these kind folks are allowing non-talented pitiful me" to play with them act.

Anonymous, I have not had the pleasure of meeting you, but in looking at the comments on your photo albums, you once again put yourself down. The derogatory comments as you reference your pictures is Bullshit. But this attitude seems permeate all that you have written and even how you look in the photos. A, you are only in your 40's, my best friends are in their 50's and dress to kill. I see women and men our age everyday and always wonder "Do I look that old." When I woke up, as I gained confidence and realized that I had a whole life to live, one of the first changes after some weight loss was a whole new wardrobe. I dressed like my dad and he was double my age. It was pathetic.

Clothes do not make the man, the true person inside makes the clothes shine. My budget after the divorce was nil, but I was able to find enough sales at the right places where I did not dress like the grim reaper was around the corner. I am judging on a couple of pictures and delete me at will, but as I gained more true confidence, that feeling of self worth translated to the way I carried myself. Fake Bravado was gone, natural confidence took over.

So, as people meet me and all my actions expressed to them a person who was comfortable in their skin, that is what people would find most attractive. If I am off, I am so sorry. But I do not know you, only you and the cute man who keeps sending you the sparkling internet roses do, so do not take what I have to say to heart, these are the changes I went through and we are about the same age.

You remind me a lot of me, and I, nor anyone else has any right to say anything. Look what you have accomplished, be proud of yourself. I always slip until I realize the impact that I have had on my kids and those who really count around me. I wish I had the guts to do some of the things you have done, and I am a pew sitter but belt out the tunes much children's enjoyment.

Once I opened myself up to believing my potential was limitless, things changed. You are too good a soul with a beautiful smile and the right man will walk into your life when you least expect it. Talk to your angels, just tell them not who, but what you want in a man, they know what they are doing,

So Answers, in a limited, non professional advice nor potentially litigous way,

Sax...