Cell Phone Dating

Just for kicks, in one week, add up the hours spent on the following useless activities: wondering why he/she hasn't called and wondering why he/she won't text. Include in this calculation all of your friends' time wasted discussing these same useless topics and one comes to the inescapable conclusion that we are watching life trickle through our hands one cell minute at a time.

Investing in cell phone companies is a wise idea, if you have any money left after your divorce do the same. But does anyone remember, God forbid, ten years ago when this convenience was not available. I fondly look back on those days when a blinking red light on an answer machine or that annoying repeated beeping when you picked up your phone vindicated your existence as a human being. Holy Shit, someone wanted to actually acknowledge your existence, and with any luck, it wasn't your mother!!! You got your messages at home, at night, and did not waste woman hours at work!!

Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that you can now look at your phone display and recognize that 800 prefix as one assigned to southern India or non-Taliban Pakistan. I am also flattered when the person on the other end wants to speak to Mr. Sex (why are these folks forced to humiliate themselves by pronouncing names that are so foreign to their native tongue, the English did such a disservice to these countries) about an overdue bill for overpriced items made down the road from the call center located in a village near you.

I, must shamefully admit, was once a closet wait'er. The yearning to call one more time was not to contact the other person for a pressing life and death matter, but rather to be told, in an indirect way, that I was worthy.

Enough bullshit. I got over that and so should we all. If you really know the person well, within your heart lies the answer as to the unreturned phone call. God forbid that, unlike yourself, he/she has a life or a job; or that they just don't like being on the phone as much as you do. God forbid that they will see you in a couple of hours and anything life altering can wait. Accessibility to instant contact by that piece of metal that is emitting who knows what levels of radiation and other negative electrical impulses has changed our nature. We want to talk and do so now!!!

Finally, communication is also used by people to mess with a partner's mind. "I will make them yearn for me by not calling immediately" is a mantra used by some. Once again, do you really want to spend your life with someone like that. You know full well that once a guy captures you using this tried and true method, the phone will ring off the hook as he rocks in his work chair like Norman Bates' mother.

So talk up front about calls, don't go psycho with the phone and appreciate your partner in the flesh rather than with a corporate logo pressed against your ear.

So sez Sax......