The Talk, role of the rescuer, Take 567, action....

Now it is time to discuss one of the more dreaded conversation in relationshipdom, "The Talk." This is one conversation which I have always avoided in the past. It is that point where you have been living in a limbo and want to finally know where you stand. My reputation as a heart breaker has preceded me and the mere inference that my at-the-time-babe and I needed some time alone to speak would be enough to make some women pass out in distress.

But there comes that time in every relationship when we reach the crossroads. I am talking about a Robert Johnson type crossroads where your soul can be for the taking unless you can beat your own demons. In a sense, your soul is up for grabs because their are too many people who have conditioned their own self worth on the opinion of others. If the newest in an assembly line of dream people does not want us, what does that mean about who we are? We tend to forget how funny, smart, articulate and personable we really are and replace all these decent qualities with a sense of inferiority based upon how we look. Because, if we are rejected, the package always sells the goods. If you live your life this way, then be ready to be perpetually disappointed.

You all know "the talk": you have met a really nice man/woman, who treats you alot better than the last one(who for some reason, you are still pining over because when they get their act together, life will be grand). The feelings are not there, but people want to know where they stand. As Woody once so masterfully articulated, relationships are like sharks, they move forward or die. The last thing anyone wants on their hands is a dead fish. So should we stay or should we go? One of the first assessments is deciding what role you will both play in each others lives.

There are times when you meet a person so hurting that you feel that you can save them. After all, once you accomplish such a noble feat, they will turn to you and fall deeply in love.(Sax FX at this point, sound of needle being pulled across record. For the younger one's, think of a heavy handed hip hop DJ cutting wax). Reality is that what they may need at that time is a bona fide friend, not a doting puppy. These people are in limbo, in that space, they do not have the emotional capacity to become involved. Nor would you have the stamina to keep up the buddy facade as you listen to their problem while yearning for their touch. So why get involved with someone who isn't there? Rescuers are us is closed for business because they can only save themselves. This does not mean they are abandoned, that would make you a real shit to toss someone because they won't be romantically involved.

As time goes by, they may wake and see you out enjoying yourself and figure out what they missed or what can still be. As you move on, you both may be on the same page one day and discover this soul mate you have been yearning for. You may rise out of your own slumber and shudder as you try to calculate all the time wasted crying and yearning for he/she who was not meant.

When the time comes and you initiate "the talk" with someone who is still hurting, you have made progress because finally, there is some recognition of the limits one has over another's happiness. Do not put your life on hold for another, because only through living will you realize your full potential, and only then will you attract one who desires and loves you as much as you do them. This person wants to share your journey to be with you, and not for what you can do for them,

So Sez Sax.......