The Challenge of the Female Excalibur

As we embark on our journey of sexual awakening, let us reflect on what men want. Being a Man’s Man(one quick click over to myspace and you will be able to view a fraction of the mares in my pasture), I have an innate ability to sense what men, really desire.

There are those of you who are Cosmophiles. Cosmophiles are everywhere, yearning for info from some New York anorexic on what is fashionable while a real women looks nothing like those draped skeletons. Yeah, you know who you are!!! You’re the one at Barnes and Noble with the perfumed stained fingertips which has oozed from those smelly, caddy ads, seeking out free advice from another female who, if they had so much time to write such a long article about sex, is not engaging in enough of the same. Or you’re the one holding up the check out line with 40 items in the Wallymart 20 or less “express” lane, while your diaper-rash infected five year old looks at me wondering if this male is it’s father.

The problem is the how sexually challenging he thinks you are, not how you can flip his switch. One of my readers has the key that has made her the most sought out women in her community. Put the word out that you have never had an orgasm. Who cares if it is true or not. Once that gauntlet is thrown down, you will have men flocking from everywhere to face the challenge of extracting an orgasm from this stone. Like the knights of yore, they will toil and strain, every sinewy muscle twitching until they cannot hold it any longer and collapse, like a rag doll, failing, in their minds, to take you where no man has taken you before.

You will have those who try other approaches, sneak up to you with cunnilingus or, forbid, try to stimulate that one place where man or beast should not go, especially when your last meal was Taco Bell. Once again, these suitors will either develop TMJ, facial cramps, or sent back to their blow dolls to reassert their manhood. After they have failed, you know they brag as to how they rode you like a pony until you begged for mercy or that the scratch marks on their backs are battle scars and evidence of your climatic moment. In the recesses of their black hearts, they will always know that they have failed and will always feel less of a man.

But, if this ass is the kind who just wants to climb Everest because it’s there, you don’t want him around anyway. You want to meet that guy who knows what makes you tick and cares about what really turns you on in life rather just between the sheets. The kind that listens to your concerns, is honest with his opinion, yet actually likes you for what is in your soul, not just for the wrapping. The guy who seems to have most of his act together and “gets” he ever elusive “it.”

Women seem to put up with way too much shit from assholes. But when the schmuck leaves or with the last shred of self-respect, you muster up the guts to walk out on him, what have you really lost? That idiot who had affairs with other women who put up with his BS because of their own lack of self worth. The drunk with the “frat” boy mentality who would spend what little precious time you could carve out together with some lifeless idiots at a bar. Do you really miss the guy whose own ego was so screwed up that his sole focus in life was his woman, until his obsession and possessiveness drove away all those who loved and cared about you. Or that stud who got some sadistic thrill out of putting you down because he could. Of course, some of you are unlucky to have met all of the above wrapped up in a great looking, but psychotic package.

Are the minimal amount of good times, the potential of the relationship from what you imagined [not who this guy really was], and this physical attraction that blinds us all (except those people who are close to us and see through his cloaking device), really worth the heartache, the depression and self-flagellation (Not that there is anything wrong with a little spanking every now and then, but not too hard!!).

HELL NO!!!!!

So take stock and learn to appreciate yourself for the incredible gift you are to this world. Start thinking of the type of person who truly deserves you and what you want out of a relationship. ( Sax tip: Do not search out anyone, since when we go looking, we have a tendency to place attributes we want on someone who does not have them because of something else we like about them.) Just like the fable of the sword in the stone, someone will appear when you least expect. Your soul and your angels will send you the sign and you will have that inner sense, that finally my quest is over,…maybe..

So Sez Sax….