Perception is not Always Reality

As we go through our daily routine, looking for that deeper meaning of life and someone to share it with, have we all became so cynical of the mating ritual that we feel the need to rip it apart before it ever has a chance to develop into something good? Or is it just self preservation that we fall back on? Have we become so paranoid of yet another failed relationship that we look for the all the possible bad in a person before ever getting to know who they really are? There are those of you who tend to form an opinion of a person because of what they have heard floating around in the dating pool rather than actually taking the time to get to know the real them.

We have all bought into, at some time or another, the gossip, rumors, and false reputation of others that are formed by the cynics who feed on the bottom of the ever shrinking dating pool about those who have been and still are successful at meeting the opposite sex.(Sometimes its tough to be Sax or a Sax protegees) Why is this? What causes rumors to become fact before the truths about a person are ever explored?

Do we really live in a society of dirt dishing, back stabbing, pathological liars, that are so lacking in their own self confidence that they feel the need to trash the reputation of anyone that poses a threat to their place in the food chain, and when one is at the top of the chain, it becomes a feeding frenzy to spread the false word about the successful.

I seem to experience this on a continuing basis. I’m not really sure why this is, or when it started. Maybe it’s the my perpetual nutmeg tan, the lure of my fixed smile, or the wave of my perfectly curled, flaxen hair. Or maybe its simply because I’m considered by the people that are lucky enough to know me as a genuinely honest, sincere, charming, fella' swimming in a sea of deception. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made my share of mistakes with the opposite sex, and I’ve paid my dues of failed relationships for whatever reasons. As perfect of a man as I may seem, and this may come as a shock to some of you vixens, I’m still human and have my fair share of faults. Sometimes being the winner in the dating game is worse than not, because I’m constantly having to defend my chivalry against the false reputation of being a “player” that precedes me.

A friend and Sax follower was out on the town with some close friends the other night, who were female of course,(He is a good student and follows Sax advice to a tee)These ladies were young and hot(page 67 of the Sax Manual, Chapter 13, entitled Young and Hot, Hold Em' or Fold Em'). He was approached by a woman that thought she knew my friend. She actually heard gossip of him rather than than knowing him, and was asked why he tended to date younger women.

First of all, what business is it of hers who people date or have as friends and second, who is she to judge him without knowing this person. These younger, hotter women were there with their significant others, not him, yet, based solely on ill mouthed words, he found himself trying to defend myself to a total stranger whose live most be so empty that she has to evidently leech of others for her personal thrills. When telling this to one of his friends at the party, she asked where did this B.S. come from? All his friends are getting tired of having to defend him to women against this misperception.

Earlier in the same night, this friend was with the current prospective possible, and after introducing her into the group, was pulled aside by another woman and told “she” was not his “type”. He took offense to this as this woman was, for all practical purposes a stranger, yet, felt self righteous enough to approach my friend based upon rumors. This winner felt like she knew what type of woman was or was not “his type,” based on what she had heard rather than taking the time to get to know him or the much hotter and smarter babe he was with and did not have the decency to even watch how this couple interacted.

There is another wonderful woman another friend met not long ago, that was so wrapped up in the gossip she was told about him that she was literally scared to death of even meeting him. She was told he nothing but a womanizing, sleep around, guiltless, “typical” man (which Sax may be but he is not). But after endless conversations getting to know one another, she came to the conclusion that was not this guy. The fact she was hearing most of the crap from the slimy head of the bottom feeders did not make it any easier, but they finally got past all that because she took the time to really get to know him for who he was. Unfortunately, nothing ever really developed between them romantically, but they remain good friends. Who knows, maybe someday, I do believe it’s all about the timing.

Anyway the point of all of this is, is this; Ladies don’t be so quick to judge the possible Mr. Perfect based on what you hear rather than what you know. Dating is all about getting to know a person and seeing if that compatibility we all seek is there or not. As I’ve said before, date just to date. Try to put all the gossip and rumors you’ve been fed aside, and take the time to really find out who we are. I’m not saying throw caution to the wind, but approach with caution and make your own conclusion about who that person really is. The truth will come out and if you find out he really is the low life scoundrel you’ve heard so much about then get rid of him and move on. No love lost. But you might be one of the lucky ones that actually find that ever elusive really good guy with all the good qualities that scare the hell out of you for all the right reasons, that you’ve always been told don’t exist in one man.

Take a chance, let the guard down just enough, to have a conversation or two and see what happens. Good looks and charm only last so long,it’s what’s inside that makes or breaks the deal. And if there’s no love connection, the worst thing that can possibly come out of it is you may gain a really good guy friend that you can complain to and seek advice from on the next toad you find yourself kissing,

So Sez Sax...